I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Its just a purposeless existence
 

Where do I start? I've been diagnosed with borderline personality and psychosis. My psychosis has been managed since getting a depot injection of depixol but ever since I've been on the injection I have been sleeping all day for the last 3 years. I think I am depressed because eversince the injection I have lost interest in most things including gym, running and weight lifting. I lead a very meaningless life, waking up at around 5 or 6 pm in the evening and drinking beer til the early morning hours and not eating much.
Since my care coordinator has been a bit off with me as of three weeks ago when I asked for her number, she has taken me off her caseload and I think I have spiralled down into a depression where I am taking less care of myself. I have felt so depressed that I didn't want to eat. I think I might have an obsessive love for my last care coordinator. She was always on my mind from when I got up til when it was time to go to sleep. I have trouble controlling my emotions and have difficulty forming and maintaining relationships. I think I have social anxiety. Life doesn't seem worth living at times and I have had suicidal thoughts on Tuesday. I am not suicidal anymore or right now. I don't know what to do because my emotions get the better of me and it's stopping me from going to social groups. I feel very sad too that my care coordinator took me off her caseload after I asked for her number. All I have to look forward to is beer at night and getting drunk.

wow, that must be so hard for you :( can you get another care coordinator? It must be very very difficult for you, but you deserve so much better than this! you are taking steps in the right direction by posting this here! you should try to find a good councelor/therapist to help you get through this so you can get the help you deserve! you can do this!!

Thanks for your hug Whatever and your kind words. I didn't say what I was looking for when I posted, but I would like some advice on how to move forward or improve the situation. Yes, Whatever I have been assigned to an OT now...

that's good! getting professional help is definitely what you should do! also you should try to change your routine. try to go out more, even if it is just going for a walk. you probably don't get enough sunlight either, that can really mess up your sleep-wake cycle. the same with food. you can make a project out of cooking really nice and healthier food. it gives you something to do and helps your body. it would be best if that meal isn't in the middle of the night, but if that's all that works for now, do it anyway.
try to find out what you like again, like gym or art or music, and try to find people with similar interests. it's really really hard, especially if you feel so anxious around people, but the best way of getting better is fighting it in an environment you can tolerate, for example the gym if you like working out. you wouldn't even have to talk to people there, just being around people. and there are so many different people there that you won't have to feel weird or afraid that you look different or anything.
you can do it!!!

Thanks Whatever, really appreciate the advice