wanting to OD from work
 

and i can't figure out why,

i started volunteering this week, and i think i've been doing ok with it, but for some reason the stress of interaction this much with people is making me want to self harm by ODing.

I wish I didn't feel like this,

i mean am I ever going to be able to work at all and not feel like this?

It's not that i'm doing anything unenjoyable, i'm really enjoying this environment and it's what i want to work in as a career, but i just want to OD after 2 full school day hours of days.

what is wrong with me?

I'm aware that perhaps this is a very borderline trait that I have but i don't know how to work on it.

x

It could be worth acknowledging that there are other options than to OD. Starting something new is often stressful and challenging, and can feel like a change even when you discover that you're actually pretty good at it and are liked by people

It can raise different questions and uncertainties within yourself and it can be tempting to go back to something that feels somewhat safe or familiar.

You don't have to stay with the voluntary work if it's too much at this time, though if you can I would recommend trying to stick with it for a while because these things usually get easier. With the urges to OD, do as you're doing now and keep talking about it. Try using delay tactics for urges and hopefully they'll pass.

It may well be too difficult to imagine being able to work in the future, but that's because you're not ready just now and you don't have to be. Focus on where you're at now, whether that be with the voluntary work and/or with your mental health, and you'll be that bit closer to a brighter future.

I think this is part of my problem. I spoke to my therapist about it briefly this afternoon and she said it was understandable as i'm very far out of my comfort zone.

The immediate urge to OD has somewhat passed, but i've been distracting from it so it'll likely come up again as it has been. It keeps cropping up in my mind whenever i have a moment, and i keep thinking if i don't get the position then i OD, or, if I get to the end of the week I can OD.

I hope I don't OD. I don't particularly want to, but i know it and it's a relief for me. That's what it gives me and I so desperately want that relief but need to find it in another way.

Taking it a day at a time is good.
And putting it off is good.
It will pass. I know it doesn't fèl like it right now but all feeling pass and change all the time.
Keep hope. This too shall pass (as they say... whoever they are)