Admitting things out loud
 

I've finally admitted in therapy the biggest obstacle to my well being, my relationship and life in general.
It's my conflict aversion that's causing cognitive dissonance
My partner is a paranoid conspiracy theorist. As such, he believes the Wakefield study, and other conspiracy theorists. I'm studying to be a nurse. He has final say over the choices made for our daughter because I have a deep seated need to placate people. He reckons he'll home-school her. I feel that neither that nor the health choices he has made for her are what's best for her.
He would flip out if he knew I was medicated. It's all demons to him and will power.
He was good for me, and apart from the issues a wonderful father. I do care for him. He's not an adult in many ways. He also tends to be suicidal at times.
I knew he had issues. I figure he wants someone to blame for his inability to cope with being an adult. Originally it was his father, now it's the 'system'.
I'm not looking for advice or judgement about the the relationship. I will eventually leave. What I want is ideas on how to cope with revealing it.
Telling someone has really rocked me when I already wasn't stable. I'm massively triggered between opening up and my current financial situation. I'm focused on how I can hurt myself and make it look like an accident. I've got it figured out and that's bad. Cos I will do it. And then I won't stop.
Help please

Well done Annie for revealing this. That took a lot of courage. To cope with the
emotional blowout from telling someone may be difficult but it isn't impossible. What coping strategies do you have, if any? Maybe you can write down the reasons you can find not to harm yourself. Or try focusing on your breathing. I'm not sure that you would be able to use a lot of the techniques for staying in the moment but they could be useful. RYL also has a thread: 30 reasons not to self harm ( http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=138980). I don't know if any of these will help but I'll be around if you need to talk.

Thanks. I needed to hear that. It got me through to the point of time where I've set the rule of I can't. The mindfulness suggestion helped the most. Thank you