Need a bit of advice
 

It's been a while since I've been on here and I don't recognize most of you any more, so hello everybody!
So, I've got a bit of a dilemma and I'm not quite sure where to turn and I'm hoping someone can point me in the right direction.
About a month ago my best friend (who also SIs) lost her biological father, and her stepdad has stage 4 lung cancer and is going through chemo. I feel like it would be selfish of me to bother her with my issues while she is trying to deal with this.
My friend with benefits, who is going through a divorce and knows about my SH but doesn't understand it, says that I can talk to her about anything. I don't know how to explain it to her or if I even want to try. All my life it feels like every time I try to explain it to an "outsider" they get overwhelmed or disgusted and they leave me.
How can I explain that even though my life is going wonderfully, I can't handle it?
How can I explain how much she hurt me by telling me that I need to find a girlfriend. Nobody understands when I try to tell them that I can't feel love. I love my cat, I love my family, I love my friends, but something is wrong inside of me and I have never felt it when someone else says they love me or tried to show me love. I believe I am meant to be alone and I accept that, but it hurt's to be reminded of it.
I've never been good wih talking to people face to face, so where do I even start? Or do I just keep my mouth shut and keep pretending everything is ok?

No words. But want you to know someone read it.

Have you considered writing this down and giving it as a letter to your friend?

I was going to suggest the same as above with writing as letter.
I understand it could be hard to talk to your best friend giving what she is going through but with the fact she sh's as well she could be the best place. I am sure she will understand and not want to see you go through all of this on your own. I'm sure you've been there to support her through her crisis. This os something best friends do without thinking about it.

I really hope you feel at least a little better soon.

I'm here if you need some random to talk to. X

I don't think pretending everything is ok is going to help. Your friend said you could talk to her about anything so...
I also think the letter writing idea is a good one. Or there's always this place.

No advice just a *hug* x