Intense suppprt
 

So I was under the crisis team. My psych saw me briefly on her break and added meds last week. My psych, HTT and I have all tried to get hold of my CPN. Today HTT told me they are incredibly short term and I need intensive short term support but that should be from the community team, despite nobody being able to get hold of my CPN and him being on training until Thursday or Friday. The HTT said I could self refer, I'm scared I'm going to kill myself and I'm scared being under them would mean they'd admit me. I managed to tell them this. It took a LOT. They told me to call them if I was in imminent danger of suicide but otherwise the community team should deal with it. I can't get hold of my cpn though and it took such a lot to tell them I'm scared. They said self harm is not the same as suicide except when I cut it verges on life threatening. My other thoughts are scaring me. I don't know what to do.

This is not okay. They should be sorting this out for you and I'm so sorry they aren't. Your CPN sounds too unreliable and I wonder if it would be worth requesting a change. Would you be able to get in touch with your psych? It sounds like she really wants things to be okay for you. It also sounds like you need a clear and specific crisis plan because the crisis team say to call if you're at imminent risk of suicide, acknowledge that self harm is not suicide, but also acknowledge that your self harm is life-threatening so the end result could be the same anyway. So you need to know where to get help when you're at risk of self harm, if that makes sense.

I guess my suggestion is to get in touch with you psych? Or the duty worker from the CMHT. And remember you can always make an emergency GP appt, ring 111 or out of hours, or go to A&E or call the crisis team.

I'm so sorry things are this crap for you Emma, I really hope it eases up.

Can you get PALs involved? I don't think it's right that the HTT have left you to the CMHT when your CPN is unavailable.

I called HTT when they'd changed over shift and he told me he was senior nurse and I'd not been discharged. I said that's not what I'd been told and he said either his team would contact me or I should contact them. And then told me to have a good night and hung up. So now I don't know what to do. I spoke to them again later and he said I've not been discharged on their system, but it's in the notes that I've been discharged and if I have an issue to call their team lead. I can't face it. I think I'm going to cancel my shift on Thursday. I can't do it. I'm supposed to be starting my nursing course this week. I can't. Everything is just too hard.

Hi,
I'm sorry you're struggling so much. What is it that troubling you the most? What can't you do? Did you go to your nursing course today? How you feeling?

Thanks for the reply. It's all too hard, everything requires so much energy and is so draining. Duty called today and is going to talk to my CPN and psych in the morning. Starting uni is a huge commitment and I'm spending a lot of time researching a specific method. I don't even know why I'm sharing that here. I'm terrified I'll do it and I'm terrified I won't. I spent this afternoon in a&e. Until last week it had been nearly a year. I'm so sad and so tired. I'm trying to prepare for my appt tomorrow. I've cancelled work. Nobody can help if I don't know what will help and I can't think of anything and that just makes me feel worse.

How did your appointment go? How are you doing?

Sorry you're struggling so much and that HTT have been beyond ridiculous. How did the appointment go? It's OK to not know what you think will help and that doesn't mean nobody can help, it just means you need services to take a more active role in deciding what can be done to support you.