Bad therapy session
 

I had therapy today and I had a rubber band I told her my old therapist used to take them cuz I would use them to harm. She said she wouldn't take it. Later on I got upset and started snapping it. She told me to stop and I did but then I started again. She tried to take it but I wouldn't give it to her. This made me mad because she lied and said she wouldn't take it. She told me to stop Now and when I didn't cuz I was really upset she ended the session by just saying we're done now. I think she hates me and I'm mad at her. I hate anger. It scares me. :mad:

My best friend and I were talking and she took her side saying I should have stopped and I got mad and went off on her and now she's mad at me too. I don't know what to do. I hate people being mad at me and hate being mad at others

I feel like I understand your therapist's point here. I would assume she said she would not take it, as she was trusting you to take personal responsibility and not engage in behaviors during a session. You did anyway, she asked you to stop, then you began doing it again. She then asked you to give it to her, which you refused, so she ended the session because you were not properly engaging. I recognize how frustrating this must have been, but in order for therapy to be effective, you need to engage appropriately. Hopefully future sessions are more productive! I know it can take a while to get used to a new therapist.

I do understand her point Now but I just wish she wouldn't have tried to take my rubber band. I told her ahead of time why old therapist used to take it and she still said no she won't take it because it was better then cutting but yet when I used that coping skill she got upset. I don't understand

Hey, it sounds like there's a wider issue at play here and that you're upset with your therapist for saying she would do something and then quickly going back on it. I wonder if you have experiencee that a fair bit in your life and that it makes you feel hurt and confused when people do that. I think that would be an important feeling to discuss with your therapist.

As others have said, it probably worried your therapist a bit to see you hurting yourself as nobody likes to see that. If she was a bit frustrated it just shows she cares.

Was she supposed to watch you hurt yourself and continue the session as if you weren't self harming right in front of her?

Yes, this is how I interpreted as well.

Have you considered having other things to keep your hands busy? I've had a bunch of things thrown at me in the past year (sometimes literally!), like light up, textured balls, bouncy balls, stress balls, key rings with lots of keys, those stretchy ball-things, rubik's cubes, markers and paper, sketch books, recently I keep getting handed coloring books and colored pencils.. basically for me it helps to be doing something with my hands as when I am discussing difficult topics I start to get ungrounded and can start scratching myself or picking or things like that without noticing, so we've come up with lots of other ways to keep physically grounded. Sometimes we end up playing catch and/or the A to Z game until my head is working again. I'm not sure if you've played the A to Z game, but what it is, is a category is chosen.. for example bands or something, and you go back and forth in alphabetical order. So for example, if I had A, I could be like.. 'Aesthetic Perfection,' and then you would have B, and you could say 'Blink-182' or something like that, and you go from A to Z, however many times is necessary. Sometimes it's faster if you play catch while you do it. So, after I would say 'Aesthetic Perfection,' then I'd throw you whatever we were throwing, you'd catch it, say 'Blink-182,' then throw it back. Make sense?

I know I should have stopped when she asked me to but at the same time it's frustrating because I feel like she said popping it was OK but then when I did she got angry. I wasn't popping it hard but she still tried to take it which made me mad and then I did start popping it hard. I wanted to go off on her but didn't instead I popped the rubber band. My old therapist if I needed a moment to calm she would give me a minute to calm down and alot of times I would punch my leg but she never ended the session. She would say to stop but if I didn't she would ignore me until I calmed down and came back. It's hard for me to transition to a new therapist who isn't so laxed about certain things. I cut in my old therapist office a few times (she never knew till after the fact) and she never ended the session or got mad we would talk about it. I don't like that I have to wait a week in order to male up with my therapist and not be mad or have her mad at me anymore

Do you think it could be useful to come up with a contract/game plan ahead of time? Like go over what is and is not acceptable to do during sessions, how you would like to be redirected, what happens if you do not follow the redirection, etc? That way there are no surprises.

Maybe.... I'll talk with her about it next week

^ I wanted to suggest the same.

I know a week feels long, but you can't make good use of it.
Think about how you would prefer your therapist to react and what you would find helpful.
Also think of alternative ways to manage your distress.

I'll work on that this week thanks for the suggestions

Therapy is in 2 days and I'm scared she is Mad and Will hurt me

How did it go?

it went great shes not mad was just fustrated and i told her im sorry and it wont happen again :)

Great work :)

That's good to hear :)