University *further update - got a job!*
 

I've got a place to study Zoology at University in a few weeks.
I don't want to go.
It is totally stressing me out. Also, I don't know how I'm going to afford it. In fact, I don't think I can.
Part of me really wants to go and give myself this opportunity; part of me thinks that going to Uni isn't a right and that loads of people get a job and get on with it. If I got a shitty job I wouldn't be happy but I'd make friends, earn money and life would be less stressful.

I don't know what to do. Any advice please? I'm so stuck.

As you're in the UK are student finance giving you a loan? Does that make it easier to afford, as you wont need to repay anything until you earn over 21k.

Can you write a list of pros and cons of going to uni?

Thanks. I can't get student finance as I already have a (worthless) degree. My dad will pay the tuition fees but a) I don't like being tied to him for the next 3 years and feeling like I owe him and b) it's everything else I can't afford, especially the transport (£60 a week at least) as one of the conditions of my discharge from hospital was that I live at home for at least a year. Meaning the travelling is ridiculous.

There are pros and cons for both. I can't work out what is the best thing to do and this is stressing me out beyond belief. Neither option is a good one.

could you defer for a year and use this next year to save up?

Wow, I hadn't even thought of that!! That's a brilliant suggestion, thank you. I'm not sure if they'll allow it this late and it would mean I'd be 29 when starting (I'm getting old), but that's a really really good idea. That way I also wouldn't be letting people down (for example my granddad gave me some money to go towards Uni). Thank you so much. I'll discuss it with my mum and CPN tomorrow.

Deferring sounds like a good option! Or you could always re-apply now on UCAS for the next academic year if they won't let you defer your current application.

Don't worry about being 29 when you start uni, many people will be the same age or older than you. Age does not really matter at uni. There's always things you can get involved in depending on your interests.

Thank you both :)

When I applied I mention my health issues on my personal statement, so I could definitely mention that as a reason.

I definitely do want to do the degree, it's just the stress of it all that I'm worried about. And now the money too. If I defer I will get a job and save some money so things are easier next year. Also, I've only been out of hospital 3 months so it might be good to have a year which is slightly less stressful. I also still have a lot of appointments I have to keep and that was stressing me out too.

Thank you so much, you guys have really helped and I feel much better.

Well my sister just told me. Said I was being stupid and pathetic and putting it off because I'm scared

That was not a helpful or reasonable thing for her to say. There is no way she can know what is right for you. You seemed really positive about deferring for a year, saving some money up and going when you will be in a better position financially and in yourself. Try not to be disheartened by her. If you think deferring is best for you, stick to your guns. It really isn't any of her business.

Maybe she's right. I AM scared to go. Maybe I am just making excuses because I don't want to **** up or fail or get ill again (like last time).

Thanks Auror. My sister is known to be a bit of a dick but she does say what she thinks.

I'm seeing my CPN tomorrow and my psychologist on Wednesday, so I'm going to talk to both of them and then decide as I need to inform Uni asap really.

Don't be overly concerned about being scared. That's natural when you are doing something difficult. What you need to be is practical.

Maybe if you sit down and look at your finances, you'll be able to figure out approximately how much you can save, if you can move closer to the uni next year etc.

Then figure out what sacrifices you'll need to make if you start the course this year. (If it means spending x hours a day commuting, plus having a part time job, being endebted to your family or getting a loan with an expensive interest rate, well I think anybody would be overwhelmed by that).

Might make the situation a bit clearer having actual figures and a reasonable idea of what your workload will look like in each scenario?

At the end of the day, you do know best what you can cope with, not anybody else.

Oh ****, sorry Auror. I used your name without thinking. It's fine to use mine though. I'll edit my post.

I will discuss it with them and yeah, maybe a list is a good idea just so I can sort things out in my head because at the moment it's a mess!

iron.maiden: thank you. Yes it makes sense to write it down like that and find out what's best. I FEEL like it's too much to cope with but I find even very everyday things stressful.

Phew! I thought I just majorly cocked up!

I'm not sure. I have an unconditional offer (which means I meet all the academic requirements) and I'd still have to go to all the lectures so it would still be full-time. Also, if I'm honest, I'm not too worried about the work. It's more the social stuff, the travelling, very long hours, money, keeping my appointments and coping with the stress of it all. Last time I went to Uni I got incredibly unwell and that can't happen again.

Now my other sister is having a go too. This is so incredibly stressful

Here are my pros and cons lists. If anyone could take an objective look and these and see what they think is best that would be hugely appreciated.

Pros of going to Uni now:
- it will make me feel like I'm doing something positive for myself and my future
- I want to go
- it will give me a sense of accomplishment and achievement
- I enjoy learning and studying
- I will make friends
- I will be facing my fears head-on and not shying away from them
- I won't be letting people down and feel like a failure

Pros of deferring a year:
- I will be able to get a job, earn and save some money, meet people and earn my own money which will feel good
- I will feel good about having a job and working
- I won't be reliant on my dad's money and won't feel tied to him
- It will be less stressful in terms of being able to keep my appointments and not worrying about missing lectures
- I will be able to sort out getting my driving license back, getting a car, and this will make the travelling to Uni easier and less stressful
- It will be generally less stressful and better for my mental health (I've only been out of hospital 3 months after 4 years in and still really struggle as it is)
- The routine will be less of a change and easier to adapt to
- Less risk of becoming unwell and ending up back in hospital
- I don't deserve the opportunity. Going to Uni is not a right and I had my chance and I ****ed it up

very much disagree with this one :ermm: but other than that your lists seem good. Also ignore your sisters, I can't understand their issue to be honest, in my mind you are being practical and responsible by considering the idea of being more finincially stable and mentally stable by giving yourself a year to prepare before going.

Thanks shadow-light.

Maybe that comment is harsh but it is true. Loads of people don't go to University, and I have already been once and couldn't handle the stress and ended up spending 4 years in a psychiatric hospital :/ Not directly because of Uni but it did contribute.

One of my sisters has been really lovely about it and said she'll support me whatever I decide, and another has said she doesn't think it's a bad idea but if I do defer I need to be committed to getting a job. I had a look round town today and only found one (I live in a small rural town and as yet can't drive). I have asked for the application forms and they are being sent in the post.

If I can't get a job I'm ****ed. My mum's already putting loads of pressure on me about it and I haven't even fully decided what to do yet!

This is making me feel (a little) suicidal