Living/Existing Almost In Total Isolation
 

Where to even begin.

I now live life in almost total isolation, I've almost completely removed myself from society now.

You see, I don't have a supportive family and/or friends anymore. Honestly, I haven't had real friends in ages. I stay stuck in the house for weeks on end, and hardly talk on the phone, or speak to people even when I DO go out now.

My social anxiety has gotten a lot worse over the years, and I now have a serious phobia of people or even going outside. My family chalked me up as a disgrace quite some time ago, and I just got tired of even caring really. The few friends I did have up and abandoned me when the going got tough for me. Again, I stopped trying to maintain friendships a long time ago, because I just got sick of giving my heart out to others when they are in need, only to have them 'conveniently' become too busy when I am in need of their assistance/help/care. I highly doubt I will ever allow people to ever get close to me again, I no longer trust people at all!

In effort to pull this together a somewhat, I just about spent the entire summer in hiding (again). The summer has become my least favorite time of the year, due in large part to my struggle with hiding my scars. I realize this is a lame excuse, but since I'm already feeling quite raw and vulnerable being in public, going outside with without a lot of clothes on isn't something I enjoy doing at all. I wish I could say when the season change I will feel more comfortable being out in public.

This year was (especially) troubling for me for so MANY reasons that I will hopefully be able to put into words here at some point, and I am struggling to pull myself out of this huge pit of despair. I haven't been able to work, and have various disabilities (some diagnosed - some not). I have relied on the good grace(s) of members of my church, but they have made me aware that they would like to retire soon and enjoy a life of toil; I can't blame them one bit.

The truth is, I live the most frugal life humanly possible, I'm able survive on the just the 'bare bones' basics. I don't have good health insurance, and can't afford to see good doctor now (I rely mostly on clinics, and the care is not all that great). I know some of my conditions have (without question) gotten worse, and I shutter at the idea of what I'm now facing medically (both physical health and mental health).

I could go on-and-on with this ramble, but my problems are no worse than others here, so I'll try to get back to the original topic and only expect general advice from others - I doubt there is much anybody could say to help me at this point that I don't already know.

Apologies in advance if this whole thing makes little sense

Hi there, welcome to RYL and sorry that you've found yourself so isolated.

You mention your church- unless the whole church is retiring, maybe getting involved more with that would be a way to gradually come out of this isolation. Even if you aren't ready to trust people and let them in, just being around people at a service could be beneficial and when you started feeling more confident you could consider other opportunities at the church, like a bible study group.

Are you entitled to any sort of state benefits? I wonder if there's some sort of citizen's advice service you could access who would be able to advise you on your options so that hopefully you'll be able to get some health insurance.

Yeah, I can't just stay like this, or I'm no doubt headed for a nosedive.

Thank you for taking the time to offer your helpful advice, and the hug.

TC