Too much empathy?
 

Do any of you here sometimes feel like you have too much empathy?

From when I was a little kid, I've always felt I could understand the point of view of my bullies way back in school. I've tried my best to understand both of my ex's viewpoints and though neither relationship has been good in the long run (look in my other threads for the last one, I won't go into detail here) I'm not able to get mad at either, because I understand where they come from, at least to a certain point. But not only them, it goes for almost everyone I have some form of relationship with or curiosity about. I get so caught up in trying to understand other people that I sometimes feel like I'm living two or three lives at once and then I need to live my own on top of that. I can't really stop myself either, I always want to know why people are like they are and I try to set myself in their mindset before I even think about it. On the one hand, it can be very useful, but it's very tiring.

I easily get overwhelmed and I don't do well with stress, because I think deeply about things. I prefer writing over talking, because when I write, I get the chance to catch my breath and think for a few seconds before I say what I have to say, or type, as it were. When people talk, it's generally expected to respond almost immediately. When too much is happening at once, I get overwhelmed and don't know where to start. There's simply too much to think about. And this is really an issue, not neccesarily that it is a bad thing for me, but it's not so easy to make a doctor or psychiatrist understand this, or even friends. Much less an employer.

What are your thoughts on this? Do any of you relate?

I used to be like that not so much because of my personality but rather due to the fact that I was taught in school to behave in that manner. I'm a pretty pessimistic and judgemental person by nature and though I can bring myself to feel empathy, usually opt not to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. I feel you in the conversation aspect of social interaction. I prefer to stay a listener, throwing in a couple of comments to make sure the rest don't think I'm being bored to death. Absolutely nothing is wrong with that (I mean, if everyone talks and nobody listens, can you really still call it a conversation?).
Trying to understand people is a good thing but my advise is don't delve too deep. Personally, I've broken off a couple of friendships because the more I understood the person, the more a realized how much we couldn't click and that it wasn't working out. Sometimes, ignorance really can be bliss.
About the issue of living multiple lives, I think that's normal in our world today. Among friends, I'm kinda fine with them knowing about my sexual orientation but when it comes to my family and relatives, I need to swing back to what they deem as the normal one. True, it can be tiring at times but you should only keep it up if you see it necessary. Don't force yourself to please everyone because that's not possible and the extra strain you put on yourself really isn't worth the temporary connection with these people. If they can't accept you for who you are, there really is no point in making a deep connection with them. Just my 2 cents on your post so feel free to pick apart my rant and discuss it :)

I can relate in a way. I often have a lot of trouble knowing what are 'my' feelings because I tend to absorb what other people are feeling, particularly on the negative end of emotions. This can be exhausting and often I feel like I need to get away from everyone because I'm just too tired to be able to cope with feeling their emotions, especially on top of my own it can sometimes be too much.

I have been advised to work on setting boundaries for myself, and trying to distance myself - I have learned to do this with thoughts (e.g. if someone were to treat me poorly) and am trying to use the same thing for feelings. I think it's going to take a lot of work though but perhaps you could consider setting up boundaries within your mind as to how far you're willing to think about things.