dating guys.
 

Hard to believe I know but I started dating someone. I don't know a whole lot about him as he has this very happy go lucky demeanor but I can say for sure that he's one of the nicest guys I have met in ages. We met tonight and he said something along the lines of 'as long as you're not certifiable then you're doing ok'. The he started on about how they took the pi** out one night pretending to commit one of his friends to a psych ward. I was horrified. I don't think he has knowledge of MH issues but when am I going to ever be able to tell him I'm on meds and see a teams after those comments?
I told the last man I met and it was a car crash. I've decided to hide my meds if he ever calls here and not tell him. We might not even end up together but I felt sick tonight when he spoke like that, it was very cruel and he is such a nice person that it shocked me. Another night I was out and being chatted up and my sister who is a complete bitch told him I was severely mentally ill which is hardly the case and he ran. I feel so hamstrung by this and it's bad enough not being able to walk or breathe properly but how can I tell anyone the rest? Even my nurse won't believe anything I tell her and treats me like I'm a moron.

Hello, I'm new! But I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents as I am here and can't get to sleep.

Firstly, good for you!

I personally wouldn't worry about the comments. It was obviously a stupid thing for him to say, but it sounds like he meant it light heartedly. I often put my foot in it, so perhaps if he knew you had mh issues, he'd be mortified.

I think in terms of the meds, you don't have to tell each other personal things at the early stage. I would try to just enjoy getting to know him a bit better, then you will hopefully get a feel for whether he's trustworthy with this info or not. If he is, that's great, and if not you're better off without him.

Disclaimer: My advice is probably terrible...I've been single since forever! ;)

Hm, see I am of the opinion that you should think carefully about this. Hiding your medication and not telling him about your mental health problems could become very exhausting for you, and essentially you are hiding a huge part of yourself. There's no requirement to let everyone know as soon as you meet them, but to me a boyfriend/girlfriend should be someone you trust with all aspects of your life, someone who cares and loves you for who you are and is supportive.

I could not imagine hiding my mental health from my boyfriend, especially if he kept making jokes about mentally ill people. I'd feel uncomfortable and upset. I think maybe see how it goes, those jokes might just be an isolated thing. But maybe ask him why he keeps joking about things like that.

At the end of the day if you're not compatible then the relationship will be unhappy and won't last. In my opinion it's best to figure things like that out early on.

So I woke up this morning to a text saying he never wants to see me again. He gave no reason. The guy isn't great looking, he is small and has no hair. I gave him a chance and I honestly don't get it. He refuses to tell me why either. I thought he was a nice person but after all this I am confused. he snogged the head off me last night and told me he really liked me now he has no interest? I rang my mother and she screamed her head off at me. I don't have any support at all and have nowhere to go with this. I don't know what to think, it makes no sense.

I asked him why and he refuses to answer me? What do I do. this is not normal and it's going on years now.

Just leave it alone. He's text you saying he doesnt want to see you again. There is nothing you can do.

Most people don't like replying to those kinds of things because, ultimately, they probably don't want to upset you or outwardly lie. Maybe he just didn't feel any 'spark' there. Considering your first post about thinking about lying and hiding quite important information about yourself because of his comments, I don't think there's much lost here, to be honest.

Move on. Go out and meet new people.

He told me he was crazy about me last night otherwise I wouldn't be posting about it. How can someone change in one day? I am not going to contact him and I will move on but I'm hurt and I feel upset.

Was he drinking much last night?

He doesn't drink alcohol.

It's totally possible that he has some issues of his own and isn't ready for a relationship. I know I've met some decent guys and never have taken it too far, because I'm working through a lot of things right now and have self esteem problems and just can't handle it. I'm not as honest or communicative about it as I could be, either, because it can be hard to admit that kind of stuff and/or I don't think they'd understand anyway.

Or, he's just a jerk.

You can believe whatever you want, but ultimately this reflects on him, not you. Whatever his problem is, it's his. You'll find your person in life, but this guy isn't him.

((Hugs))

Thanks x
It says on his profile that he's looking for a long term partner. I made him laugh and he said he really liked me. I never slept with him either and men usually try that straight away. I asked him was I alright looking and he said he found me very attractive. I think he was lying and I'm basically horrendous and nobody will ever want me. I've been crying all night and couldn't work. I know it sounds stupid but I really put myself out there with him and I paid for half the dates we had and changed around loads of things to fit him in rushing around. I don't know what's wrong with me. I asked him to his face was there any point us meeting again and he arranged a date, then out of nowhere he ignores all my communication. He seemed so keen on me. I'm very confused right now and he also said he always stays friends with girls he dates but he won't even do that with me. I must be ugly and horrible as well.

Dating is so confusing. I'm sorry that he turned out to be such a disappointment. I know it's easy for me to say, but this really isn't a reflection on you. Not that his opinion matters, if he thought there was something wrong with you, he wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place. What I like to do when this happens to me, is invent a story so I have a reason in my mind (even though I'll never know if it's true).

A few years ago I was seeing a guy. He asked me to go on holiday with him (in 6 months), he asked if he could keep some stuff at my house and we talked about moving in together. Four days later (on new years) he dumped me. I was in pieces. I didn't hear from him after that, although I'd wanted to stay in contact. In the end, I decided that he probably got scared because he liked me too much and didn't want to get hurt (he'd had a bad experience with a gf shortly before). It still took a long time to get over, but that idea helped, like we were ill-fated lovers who crossed paths at the wrong time or something!

Anyway, I know it probably doesn't feel like it, but you really are better off without a guy who would treat another person in this way.

*hugs*

This happens a lot, to a lot of people and 9 times out of 10 it's simply a case of the person goes home, really has a think about things and decides that they don't want to continue to see someone. When we are on a date with someone you usually get a lot of endorphins and your inhibitions are lower and if you're having a good time with someone you can end up saying that you want to see them again and that you see this going somewhere. At the time it is how you feel and it isn't a lie but then you leave the date and go back to normality and sometimes that is when the person thinks that it wont work.

You won't ever know the reasons why he has done what he has, he could just not feel compatible, he might not find you attractive, he might have found someone else, he might have decided he isn't ready to date someone, there are so many reasons and you wont ever find out the reason.

I think it's for the best in all honesty, you were already thinking about hiding your mental health from him, he had already said some stuff which set off alarm bells for you and you didn't find him physically attractive, all signs that this was never going to work.

It hurts to put yourself out there and feel like it went great and then the other person doesn't feel the same. I remember I went on a date once and it was literally the best date I had ever been on, we got on really well, conversation was good and we had a really good time. Then we never met up again, it hurt but that's just the way things go sometimes.

Don't let it put you off dating, there are plenty of men out there and the right one will come along and you will know....you won't have to 'give him a chance' it will just happen naturally.

He wasn't seeing anyone, he said he was very attracted to me. He was turned on kissing me. I feel ugly and rejected. he hinted at us sleeping together but made no moves towards it.

I don't think you read what I wrote, or maybe you did but you're just not willing to accept the things I have said as possibilities. He probably did find you attractive and did want to sleep with you,but that was when he was in your company. Have you ever met someone and really liked them and then when you left them realised that there were things that meant it wasn't going to work, or that you didn't find them as attractive as you did when you were 'in the moment.'

I don't know if you realise this, but you seem to have contradicted yourself a lot in this thread. You've gone from saying he is amazing to then saying he is ugly and you weren't interested in him.

To be honest, this is a pattern you follow a lot in relationships. A lot of your threads have been about you meeting someone and it going well and then it suddenly not going well and you feeling rubbish about yourself.

Now this is not a criticism on you at all. But I'm wondering if maybe the issue is that you are just giving too much of yourself to people too quickly and it scares them off.

I've never gone from liking someone to not liking them.
I'm ranting a bit sorry and not making sense. Yes, I do give myself away too easily. This time though I really tried not to. I will always be alone anyway, nobody ever wants me around may as well face up to it.

I'm so sorry this has happened - I can really relate to the getting your hopes up to have them dashed and it does feel awful. When a bit more time has passed it will hurt a bit less, you'll have learned something, and the next person you meet will be better suited.

I'd suggest having a read over everything the other lovely people have said again when you're feeling less wound up and hopefully you'll find it all a bit more helpful. x

I appreciate that. I don't appreciate someone thinking that a man needs to be drunk to find me attractive though.