RYL Forums - Starting a completely new life

Hello everyone,

My name's Jon, I'm 25 and from the UK. I don't like my life and so today I've decided to end it.

Before anyone panics - I do not mean I want to die - I mean that I've decided to end the life I'm currently living and start a new one.

For the last 5 years I have suffered from bouts of heavy depression, social anxiety and panic attacks which all began when I hit my 20s. I have tried time and time again to change my lifestyle, taken copious drugs (both legal and illegal) and sought advice from friends, family, strangers and professionals- but all of those "solutions" seemed to be merely band-aids, a smaller fix to a larger problem. I realized that there was something fundamentally wrong and it needed addressing.

Since adulthood I have just been floating around with no direction, I'm sure there are readers here who can sympathize with this. I heard someone say once "If you do not act, you will be acted upon" and that quote stuck with me. I see now that if you don't make choices someone will make them for you, that person may love you and have your best interests at heart but nevertheless, it's a choice you didn't make.

I am currently managing a family business, I live in a small village with no friends around and I struggle to get out of bed every morning and face another day in a life that someone has selected for me. I am not here because I chose to be, I am here because I didn't know where else to be.

The way I see it I have two options:

- Accept the life I have now and try more things to improve it

or

- Begin a new life from the ground up

After much deliberation I have made my choice.

I am very close to my Grandad, he's 91 and a Royal Navy veteran. We spoke about the War - some of the terrible things he'd seen and what life was like growing up in these times. Millions of people fought and died for our freedom - to oppose slavery to an evil ideology and what have I done with that freedom? I've confined myself to my own self-imposed slavery! I'm a slave to my job, to my emotions, to my depression, to the things I own and to my debts. We live in a society where information has never been so readily available, travel is easier and more affordable than ever, we have access to opportunities that would never have even existed 50 years ago and yet we still choose to live fulfilling lives.

There are things I have to do before I go - selling unnecessary personal items and paying off my debt but after that there is nothing else to keep me here. I will leave next spring, on the day after my birthday on the ferry from Dover with only my essentials and some small savings - the idea of a boat journey seemed appropriate somehow.

I want to travel around Europe - I've done some travelling in places like France, Belgium, Germany, Denmark and Sweden and I particularly liked Germany so I think I'll head in that direction. Being in the EU should make finding work easier and I won't be too far from home if everything goes wrong. I have already started German classes.

Why am telling you all this? Because I want to meet people in the same boat as myself, people that are utterly fed up and unfulfilled by the lives they live and want to do something about it. Maybe speak to people that had a similar journey and wish to share their experiences. Maybe you can offer me some advice on working out there, getting about etc? Perhaps there is even someone out there crazy enough to throw it all away and join me.

This almost feels like my calling in life - it's the first thing that has genuinely excited me and filled me with hope for years. There's this invisible pull and I'd be an idiot to ignore it. Maybe I won't find the answers I'm looking for but at the very least I can return home with some exciting memories and a deeper sense of appreciation.

Thanks for reading.