obstacles
 

hi everyone
i wish i could be spending time to give advice to many here. I feel that i can easily solve other people's problems. One major key is CARING....just take care of yourself and all people around you. Be safe.

I, on the other hand, cannot solve my own problems. It is not that dont know what to do with my life. I have list of positive things to do but i cannot do it. People think that i am not smart or lazy to work hard. But my problems are OBSTACLES. I have no resources, no good advice, no encouragenent, no support if any kind.

i am divorced twice. My first marriage was instant failure as i realize he was not good for me. But i was a coward and being an immigrant in US i had nobody to get help. I wasted few years and money paying bills, groceries and things that i dont need. Until i ran out for 5th time and never came back.
Then i struggle to get help, dragging heavy luggages. I want to restart my life but i could not. When i had money, i was ignorant to find my way. Then when i had the courage but i have no more money. Obstacles.

Since then, i struggle, living as in house caregiver, but used like a butler! I wanted to learn some skills and possibly do a business, but i lack emotional support and financial resources. i was introduced to a man in another state. After few months i went over to the state and we got msrried. I was hopping that at least i dont have to pay my share of groceries etc. but he although financially stable, was a miser! So my wish for a course on line or a small car, were not granted. He said i was too old to study and a small car is unnessary, i can borrow to drive his sedan or truck. So i feel i am facing obstacles. Everytime i am trying to mske my life easy. i got mocked. A year later I left. i went to my country, but i was lonely, broke, confuse, and feel like a loser. He said i should come back, and i did, but his dsughter and 2 kids also join him. Then his attitude change, so we divorced.

Now i am all alone, divorced, and struggles to find resources to rebuild my life, like before my first marriage, to work. But i cannot find a job, i actually prefer to be self employed, but i have no support, no resources, and i am trying hard to be positive, i need to re learn driving, to build coursge, snd gets car to be self reliance, and rent a place, find job or start a small business. So msny things i want to do, but i dont have resources, people i ask refuse to help, even my cousins and sister, and i going out of my mind, stress that shakes my body, depress, because i am shame, helpless, old friends new friends avoid me as they dont want to be burden to listen my pathetic life story. i am alone, broke, and soon to be homeless in the street.

Sorry that there are lots of obstacles in the way of you achieving your goals. I think you need to take them one step at a time. So don't worry about driving or starting a business just yet, maybe focus just on finding work and housing. You say you'd rather be self-employed, but if that's not working out right now, maybe you need to try to find something else, just whilst you find your feet. Do a whole lot of job applications and keep trying until you get there. Do you have anywhere to stay at the moment? Is there any sort of government funding or support available to people in your situation? I'm not sure what country you're living in, so not sure what the benefits system is like.