(nsfw) how to deal with things you did in a mixed episode?
 

because of some things that happened in the past I'm not very comfortable with sexual contact, but when I'm in a upswing, that kinda flies out of the window, which is fine at the time, but now I'm left feeling disgusting and gross.

I mean, it's not assault or anything, this people were strangers and would have no idea that I wasn't being myself, but I still feel traumatized over this.

I'm not sure how to deal with this?

Have you got a therapist or someone in your team who you could talk this through with?

Even if it was entirely consensual and the people involved didn't do anything wrong, it's still possible to be traumatised by it and you could work with a therapist or counsellor to try to process these memories and move forward from them.

I don't know if this would help but when I am regretting things I have done in an episode I sit myself down and apologise to myself for the things I have done as if I had did them to another person and try to be more self compassionate and accept the apology. I've found it has been a lot hard to move past events when I have been beating myself up about them happening on top of the unpleasant feelings that they generate.