Just don't get a so called friend
 

Hi there guys. Just looking for some advice on what to do and think about all of this.

There about 4 years ago I made friends on the 1st day of college with a guy in my class got on great for the 4 years and there was near any fights only once at the start when i said something rude to his girlfriend but I said sorry what a way to both and we moved on. They broke up a few months later when she cheated on him with his bestfirend.

So for the next 4 years, it was weekly cimmna, playing video games online with each other doing things with each other and so on. But in the last few months i made quite a lot of new friends and didn't need him to go places anymore, but I always invited him to come with us on nights out or going for a drive somewhere.

They're a few months ago, he joined tinder got matched with a fairly ok looking girl since the girlfriend cheated on him he has not been near another girl. So he was talking to her for a while and asked me for some advice on it and I told him to meet up with her, she is only an hour's drive away that is nothing if you like the person as you never know you could end up being with her for the rest of your life or left knowing what could have been. He replied with no I don't want to drive to someone as we probe won't get on. Then a few days later i messaged him asking you still texting and he said yeah, why don't you meet up then?. His reply was no, she's an online friend. Then I was told about 2 years after that he completely stoped messaging her

So about 2 and 1/2 weeks ago i sent him a message on Facebook saying I have got a few interviews next few weeks so going to be crazy busy how is your job looking going ?. His reply was it doesn't affect me. Then I replied do you not believe me or something?. His reply was meh.

I left him off company and didn't send him anything to maybe a week later and sent him a picture of the head office of the bank i was getting interviewed at and said going to be a long day a fun ahead for me. He read the message and never replied. So he just didn't bother at all messaging me. As I would be talking to my other friends all the time and wishing them luck when they get interviewed on the morning of it and asking them how they want. As what a normal friend will do. My other firends would do the same as one of my other firends got a job in the same bank and told me there looking for people in IT and i should apply and i did. A perfect job came up for him about 60Km away from where he lives and i told him apply for it as you done 3D design for 4 years so you should apply as there looking for a college grad his reply was they wont hire me so no point and i dont wont to work 60km away.

So i logged on to my xbox and I have seen that he removed me on it so i also had a look at my PSN, Steam and an online forum site we are on and removed me as a friend on every single one. So i went and sent him a message saying what is his problem and if there was something wrong, you should have messaged me or told me there was something wrong as removing me on sites is just a coward and you know me if there is something wrong i tell the person to their face. His reply was I see your on me ?. I replied to that and said that's an extremely childish reply and why did i even waste my time with you.

Like what might the guy's problem is?. AS he would only have 2 firends me and another lad he was firends with from school and i find it strange that he cut me out for no good reason as i know in my hart I done nothing to the guy.

As someone who has been going through a rough patch personally, I think you should try to be kinder to him.

It's totally possible that everything's fine and that he's just a jerk, but it's also possible something's going on - maybe he's depressed, anxious, otherwise stressed/worried, has family things going on, etc. etc.

There have been things my friends have invited me to do that I just haven't been able to do because of what was going on personally; thankfully they understood and didn't write me off because of it.

I'd send him a message letting him know that you're thinking of him and that you are always there if he needs to talk or needs any support or advice (as long as you're willing to back up that claim) and then give him some space. Maybe if you're going to do something you know he loves to do, give him an invite to show him you're stilling willing to support him. Otherwise, you are free to move on.

I'm not saying you should let him walk all over you, but maybe accept the fact that he may be going through something you can't understand and that being as supportive as possible is the best way you can help him right now. I think the cliche "there are some journeys we have to take alone" is often true, but it's nice to have people on the sidelines rooting for you!

:)

Like he has allways been a guy who would never wont to do anything that is out of his comfort zone like before there is hunted house near us that you need to get a farry over to see it so i went to him why dont we get a few off us and we all go get a tour ?. He said no and 1001 and 1 reasons not to do while i then said it to my other firends we went that day ....

I have tryed to talk to him about depressen and the likes as i have depressen myself and i was trying to see would he talk about it and he wouldint and said he didnt have it change topic. But he has allways been like that and got worse as the years went on.

He has been saying no to go to things for 4 years.

I did send him a message to see would he speak to me about it and he wont and his reply to me was i see your on me. Like that isnt a replay to someone who wonts to speak about stuff is it ?.

Like he didnt care about my depression when i went and told him i am going to speak to someone about it tommarow as its gone quite bad while i told my housemate and other firend and we had a big hart to hart about it we might have had some drink in ours but we got closer thanks to it.

So i jsut dont know what to say about it really a firend for 4 years who you allways try to help and do stuff with just cuts you out like that

Sometimes friends just drift apart and don't talk anymore. Maybe that is the case here? I don't think there is much more you can do other than to message him letting him know you are there if he ever wants to talk.

Yeah, I don't mean to sound as horrible as I know I'm gonna come across, but sometimes people just move on, and sometimes they just can't be bothered even explaining why. I know it sounds awful, but I guess if they're not bothered then you just have to try be the same. You have other friends, so it doesn't sound like you *need* him so much, while it's not pleasant, I'm sure you have done everything to be a good friend, trying to include him and stuff, but sadly sometimes people still move on. So I would try not to worry too much. It seems like you've tried and let him know you're there, there's not much more you can do really. I can't know what's up with him, but for example I have a friend who texts every day but she hasn't met me in years, she just says she's not well enough, yet she meets other people. It's hurtful but what can I do? Nothing. If I want to stay friends then I have to accept her terms, she only wants to text now. So maybe you need to decide what is or isn't ok for you and him, for both of you. I'm sorry I don't have a better/happier reply. But as I said, I don't think you should feel bad because it seems you've tried your best. If your best isn't wanted, well that's not your problem. Hope you'll be ok. Maybe try keep busy with the other friends. He could be going through something, but if he won't talk then he won't talk, you can't force him. You've offered to talk, not much more you can do really. I wish I had a friend like you to be honest, you obviously care about him.

With encouraged with the girl he has been single for over 3 years and i told him he should go for a date at lest with this girl as she seems interested and she asked you how your exam went and about your results for your exam and she did offer to met him as well and he said no. She was down in the same city as him on a night out with friends and she asked him does he wont to met up for drinks before she mets up with her friends and all going well he can join her friends with her ?. I even offered to come with him if he joins the friends so he would have someone else to talk to. He said no also. As i know myself i was texting a girl before she said she was heading out and she told me to join her and her friends for the night out and i said to myself why not what do i have to lose ?.

Like there is a distance between us a hours drive as well so it wasn't that i was trying to get him out of my life i was trying to get him to use his degree in a job that i know he would love. As there the other day i seen a job there for another friend sent it on to him and his reply was its not someone where i really wont to move to but its something that i love and i am applying for it now as even if i have to live there for a year at lest i get the EXP. He thanked me 3 or 4 times for sending on the job to him.

I do think its a mix of jealous or depressed from him as he would have always been a bit low with being depressed you could see it with him onlike me where i had my depressen from people but everyone has a different way of looking after it.

But i have always been a very good friend for him and always offered to do stuff for him and he always refused. I did message him to speak about what is problem might be and why did he remove me on things and he didn't reply at all to it. Before that we would talk daily and play online at lest 2 or 3 times a week. As the type of person i am i would tell someone if i had a problem with them or if something hurtful was said to me and if i say something hurtful by mistake i would say sorry about it nearly right away as i am like crap i forgot don't say that.

I seriously think you have to accept that unlike you he may not want to talk about why he wants nothing to do with you anymore. Might be time to try focusing on other things?

If hes anything like me he could be annoyed with you over something that he feels/knows maybe isnt really your fault and so doesnt want to bring it up and will avoid you instead. Although removing you from all friends lists sounds a little more out of anger. I wonder did you by any chance put down the girl he was messaging from tinder..the one you described as "alright looking" or whatever Were you excited for him when he told/showed you? Or did you possibly make the remark "well shes only alright looking"....?? Are you a judgmental person when it comes to looks? Is he a guy who seems confident in his appearance? It may have something to do with it all!