Any advice on how to write down goals and steps to take to both understand and better myself?
 

So I've had frequent episodes of depression, obsessive intrusive thoughts, major lack of willpower for the past 5 years now, I'm 22.
At the moment I am doing okay. I'm not sad but I just kinda feel like I'm just floating here, matter of time before I start drowning on life again I'd imagine.

I have slowly accepted and realised that I have problems over the years. Now I believe I want to take the next step to becoming a stable member of society. Change. I want to change in every way that I can grow.
The thing is I'm highly unmotivated. It feels like there just aren't any sparks in my head most of the time. Things still feel out of reach, I'm advancing at such a slow pace I'm never going to get anywhere. The problem is that sometimes I'll start trying to change things that I know I want to do but I give up before I even start usually. I can't envision change. Don't know how to even go about it. It just fogs up my head when I think about it, makes me feel sad and I usually do anything to take my mind off it (usually cannabis). Problem is that I'm not growing. I'm never going to beat this unless I start to grow.

I'm wanting to take to this with pen and paper. I've been thinking about doing something along the lines of writing down the things that I want to change, why I want to change them and then a series of goals on what I need to stop doing as it's not working or take a new goal routes to success.
I really don't know how to go about and execute this idea.

I could write down negative feelings/emotions that I have or feel about myself put it in a mind map then stem off some ideas of what could help this feeling or emotion, then stem off that why and how I'd go about doing it?

I'm kind of an empty person, I just seem to float on through life achieving nothing because well I don't think that I know or believe in myself to achieve things. I don't have hobbies, I'm not good at anything. I feel really dull and boring and that's not just the depression talking that's just me being real.
I want to do things and make things of myself, I have potential I know that I do but I've noticed from the past 5 years of my life going literally nowhere that If I don't force change then it just isn't going to happen on it's own.
At this rate I'll be living with my parents, no job or a low skilled job that I'm really unsatisfied with. No hobbies, no love interests. But most importantly no personality in 20 years time. I really feel in a rut. I want to make an escape plan from this so to speak.

Many things that I want to change e.g. starting meditation, eating well, regular exercise, read books, learn to draw, learn to play the guitar, gain people skills, work out what I want to to with my life, understand myself and just succeed.
I want to see the ball rolling in my life. It's been still for so long now.
I hardly have anything to talk to anyone about because my life so uninteresting.
I know that these are easy things for most people to accomplish but I just can't commit to anything and it's been the story of my life. But I've never really had a plan. I've never really known what the next step is. I feel that getting this down on paper in some clever way could make me see what I really want to do, what is working for me and what isn't. Even here I don't really know what I'm asking of you all, don't know how to word this even. I'm just so unsure. I just know that I want to change now and this is a first for me. I don't want to waste this feeling. I want to feel alive and not like a shadow anymore.

Any advice on how I need to go about this would be awesome.
I've probably missed out a lot of details that would really help you guys out but this is so loose in my head I barely know what I'm asking of you lot.
Thanks I appreciate your time and responses.

I'm going to massively plagiarise a target sheet that we use for students at my school (I find that some of our school routines can be really helpful for adults too!).

On your piece of paper you could write each of those targets you came up with (learning to play the guitar, eat well etc), then within each one break it down into smaller actions that will help you achieve this and choose dates by which you want to achieve these things. You could also make a note of who can help you with this target.

For example:
Target: Learn to play guitar
Actions: Buy guitar (by 20/7)
Buy beginner guitar book (by 20/7)
Create practice schedule (by 21/7)
Practise guitar (ongoing)
Who can help me: friend/family member who plays the guitar or guitar teacher, if you're planning to take lessons.

Do you think something like that might be helpful? You could tick off each task as you achieve it, as well as ticking off each day on your practice schedule.

^^ that sounds like a good idea.

Also maybe cutig down on cannabis? I have a friend who used to smoke all the time, we bumped Into each other lately and I couldn't imagine she'd have stopped smoking. But she has and she said that she's glad bc she got nothing done for 10 years, and wouldn't have started coming climbing twice a week and cycling to work.

Cannabis Zaps motivation from the most active of people.

X

Sorry for such a delayed response. I've been off the radar so to speak.
You advice certainly was helpful.

I've downloaded a program on my laptop that I can create mind maps on.
I've just made a centre bubble and named it the pursuit of happiness (couldn't think what to put lol).
Then you can add notes. This is the note that I have added, this should show you how I'm going to go about this:
Blue - Things that I want to achieve.
Purple - Why do I want to achieve this?
Red - Why I'm not currently achieving what I want.
Yellow - How I can achieve this goal.
Green - Order of small goals (colour in the background of the circle once the goal is achieved).
Gold - Work out directions that I advance this new accomplishment.

Info - This will help me work out what I actually want and to better understand how I can achieve personal success. (work in progress).

Do you think that I'll be covering the right questions to understand in myself why I want to pursue this goal?
Is there another angle that I need to dedicate a colour and stem route on my mind map?

Sorry I word things badly, my head feels kinda fuzzy when I think about things like this. I don't know if I mentally try to put things off because then they can't get to be or bother me. I know now that in time this will be my downfall unless I take action.


Also on the cannabis front. I will be creating a mind map to evaluate how to better incorporate it into my social life without it having negative effects on my life, e.g Cost, mental state, motivational state. If I can't incorporate it into my life and also have next to no negatives from it then yes I agree I'll have to stop.
However I think that it's bad to stop yourself from doing things that you enjoy. I want to learn balance and control within myself before I quit it all together.

I just want to control things in my life and not have them control me.
Any more thoughts appreciated. :)

The mind map sounds like a brilliant idea!! I think you've covered everything with your colour scheme o don't have any suggestions to add. I hope you find this process helpful.

I can't agree with you on the cannabis front, but it sounds like you've made your choice and it's good that you're trying to minimise the negative effects so I won't argue with you!