Complaining About a Girl
 

(I post here too much. I whine too much. This post is too long.)
I have stable relationships at the moment; my boyfriend and I both care about my best friend but there's no competition for her, and they and others should be able to give me any support I need. But I have recently found that I have a problem that they can't help: I have fallen in love with an old, gone friend.

We left due to going to different middle schools (currently in high school), and didn't stay in touch because we had drifted apart in elementary school. By "drifted", I mean she believed I was bullying her best friend and trying to replace her (the former wasn't true, the latter would have been unconsciously so). I also had a habit of thinking of her as prefect, which I believed to be true and she never enjoyed hearing. Because of this, I have no contact to her.

She is the only distinct friend that I've cried over and I have no way to find her besides full on stalking. I dream of her coming back and forgiving me. It makes me feel disloyal to my current relationships. How do I cope with this? How can I be loyal to my other friends?

Sorry that you didn't get any replies to this sooner.

Did it help to get this off your chest? It's completely understandable that you are missing her and dreaming of a reconciliation, but it sounds like it's pretty unlikely to happen and you don't want it to ruin the relationships you have at the moment. Would it help to write a letter to this friend, even if you can't send it, just to get all your thoughts down on paper and hopefully get some closer so that you can move on?

The closest I've gotten to making a letter to her has been caricatures of her chastising me for disappointing all my closest friends. But the letter is a good idea; I came for coping, not highly improbable reconciliation.

Thanks for caring. It did help to get my feelings written down.