Uni life/age
 

I am currently in my foundation year at uni. I will then progress on to my actual course which is zoology once I complete this year. I am 27 years old and do not have any GCSE's or A levels due to having been admitted into a psychiatric hospital when I was 14 years old and not having been discharged until I was 21 years old.

In my accommodation, the people who I have made friends with as well as a few out of my course are all mostly fresh outta school and around 18-21 years old. I get on with everyone and put up with the "old woman" jokes. But I do notice that I am not treated the same as everyone else due to my age. I act 10 years younger and everyone says I look between 18-21 years old (I still get ID'd). But I often feel excluded or thought of as old.

I haven't met many people my age or older although I know there are some. I also have mental health issues/background that people know very little about as I keep my past to myself for privacy and also fear of what people will think. The scars on my arms to give it away and draw unwanted attention, so I try to wear long sleeves all the time.

I feel like I am reliving my teenage years that I missed and feel emotionally immature at times. I do not have many friends outside of uni due to being in hospital for so long. I feel a social outcast and my friendships here are based on cracking jokes and superficial chat. I cannot connect to anyone on a deeper level and have a normal conversation as everyone see's it as me being old and boring. I feel very alone and have no family to talk to or any real friends.

I am starting to find myself becoming more reclusive and down lately. I apologise for my post being so long, I just needed an outlet.

Thank you for your replies. I know this post must sound really petty. I suffer from OCD and BDD and recently, they both seem to have increased in their severity and I feel very alone with no one to talk to about how I am feeling. I don't expect others to understand and I also know that they aren't therapists so shouldn't have to listen. Sometimes I just want a close friend who I can confide in about everything and anything.

Does your university have a mature student society? I know mine did and I contemplated going.

I started university at 20, I'm now 27 and still there doing postgraduate study. I've been fortunate enough that I've got on well with others despite the age gap. But I can sympathise with you, I was concerned the age gap would cause more issues than it actually did.

I think it's natural to feel that way in your position.

Are there any societies or clubs you could join?
It's a good way to find people with similar interests so that you have things in common which makes conversing and building friendships a little easier sometimes.

I think there is a mature students society but I don't know if its too late to join now or if I will have to wait until next year. I do get on with most of my housemates here, but its mostly just cracking jokes and having a laugh (which don't get me wrong is great) but I feel I need people who I can have a genuine conversation with, without people thinking I am being old and boring.

Hugs, I'm 25 and I won't be finished my degree until I'm 27. I don't talk to anyone on my course because they all started a different time from me and are younger. I found friends through societies and mental health orientated environments. They are people I can talk to about normal stuff but also my health. Mostly my friends are a bit older than me but seems to be at a similar stage as me.

Is meeting people through societies or hobbies an option?

I'm not sure if I will have to wait until the beginning of next year now to get involved in societies.

At my university you can join at any time of the year. Can you go on your unis website and contact the societies you're interested in directly to ask?

I think I might try that, thank you :)

I agree with others that you'll most likely be able to join societies at any point in the year, so it's definitely worth enquiring about.

In terms of genuine conversation, I think it takes a while to reach that stage in a friendship, whatever your age! Give it time, and you'll start to work out which of your classmates and housemates are a bit more mature and are the kind of people you could have more meaningful conversations with.

I'm the second youngest in my department at work and in some ways am one of the more 'old and boring' personalities there, because of the things I deal with outside of work, so it's definitely not the case that there won't be younger people who have an understanding of the issues you face. My group of friends at work range from 24-34 and some of us being ten years younger than others makes no difference at all, so try not to see your age as a barrier!

I hope you manage to find some people who you feel comfortable talking to about more serious topics soon, I know how lonely university can feel when you don't!

Thank you for your replies :) Its weird, people who don't go to uni think that all we do is get drunk, go to parties and slack off but to be honest, I do all those things, but it can still be a very lonely place despite being surrounded by people.

I have always been the old one and whilst not a huge age gap it was noticeable as whilst I'm coming up to 32 most of my friends from uni are yet to turn 30. Some of my Ryl friends are yet to turn 25 and I don't feel old even if we joke about it.

Since starting work I'm the baby of the group and my current friendship circle is probably 20ish to 60+ and I'm 31. I joke and call my old friends "old" or "ancient" in a joking manner but actually wouldn't be without them.

I guess what I'm wondering is how much of this is you feeling old and awkward? In comparison to how much of it is just that friendships take time to develop and at the beginning it's far more superficial and jokey just due to the nature of friendships. I definitely agree with joining some societies but also think about what your missing out on and trying to find a way of filling it. So for example if it's more intellectual conversations what about bringing up something you read or heard in the news or maybe you could join a society or do some voluntary work somewhere.

Ps with regards to mental health issues I was really open when I went to uni with people I met and whilst I semi regret how open I was absolutely no one judged me and actually had they judged me they wouldn't of been worth my time or energy.

Agree with age not being a problem in friendships.
I'm still at uni as it will take me almost twice the normal time to finish my degree. My uni/work and RYL friends tend to be up to five years younger than myself, I have a cousin who is eight years younger who I would still consider a friend.

If the age comments /jokes bother you maybe consider bringing it up casually.

Have you contacted the societies you're interested in yet?
Like others said, usually you can join any time.

I've just joined the society for mature students and am on their facebook page, but it seems that only the moderator posts and no one replies to them. I thought I should maybe contact the moderator and ask what sorts of things are happening?

Sounds like a good idea :) maybe you can be on their mailing list? That might be how they update people

Yeah, a lot of societies probably have quite inactive facebook groups; perhaps a lot of the members aren't really that into facebook so mainly communicate either individually, or when together at events. Contacting the moderator to ask what events are happening sounds like a great plan.

Hi :)
I think alot of people (out of school or mature students) feel out of place at uni to begin with, it took me about a year to make friends on my course.
Sorry I havent been able to read all the replies so sorry if i repeat myself or get anything wrong, I hope contacting the mature students is going okay, or any other societies. The society I was in at uni was composed of a lot of older members, who had joined when they were in uni and stuck around, so there was a very big age gap meaning age didnt really matter.
Also, uni health service counsellers are often pretty good, more uni related to problems etc so maybe this is an option.

I went back to uni for the second time at 35. I found it really hard and the other students were bordering on horrible to me every day. I don't know how I got through it but I still graduated. You are not that old and at least you can laugh with those around you and are not isolated. It's good you joined those groups but some of them can be dormant a long time. I hope that you eventually form bonds and it might take a year or two and you can always go to another university when you finish to do another course maybe? Good luck.