Why do i care that his exwife hates me- how to stop obsessing
 

hi guys

signed up for this forum cause i don't have a therapist, and i think i'm really taxing my awesome bf by constantly thinking about his awful ex. Kind of a long narrative, but I needed to vent. Hope someone can say something nice :kiss:


he left her 2 years ago and we started dating like right away. they have 3 kids, i have 1 and he has 1 from before they were married. thought we'd make an aswesome 5 kid stepfamily- but it's not happening. I've been patient for years at his pace, on his timeline. Getting frustrated now, and starting to obsess over his ex.


So, I look at her FB and instagram daily. I pout and focus on the parental alienation she's doing and the anger she has towards us. She's the 3rd person in our relationship. He does see the kids at least a little bit everyday because we live so close. These plans are made by ear each day, so her name is said first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Really starting to grain on me.

We've been super happy and in love- but i'm really really starting to drag us down by pointing the bad stuff out. Like she is just now- only after their divorce- cultivating a relationship with his 16 yo daughter. I imagine she's only doing it to make him upset. But he's okay with it. He said they should have a relationship, and if it took their divorce for that to finally happen, then fine. He's doing a really good job of staying positive. I think he's being TOO NICE about it.

He's probably getting really tired of my bad moods that have started this holiday season. I thought we'd see more of the kids, especially his daughter (not hers), but she keeps them from us as much as she can. I know it's pretty unreasonable for me to be more upset about this than him. My instincts are to fight.

I showered all 4 kids with gifts (Xbox 1 plus individual gifts, spent hundreds) and feel embarrassed now, like i overdid it. I think the ex is probably saying i only got them gifts to try to buy their favor. Which is true! But she's telling them I'm so bad, and they probably believe it. I've been w their father for over a year and I've only spent a few days with them. He doesn't want to rush them- but they prob think something IS bad- or else they'd see me more. Right?

I think he villainized her so much to me over the past 2 years that i can't see her any other way. How can I stop thinking about her and what she's saying abut me (homewrecker, c*ck receptacle, whore etc)? How do I stay open minded for the kids and my man? Am I right to be losing my patience- or am I being spoiled and greedy about seeing his kids, when he's fighting for them himself?

What creates my desire to look at her photos and fume??

Have you spoken to him about how you feel? it sounds very frustrating and i can see why you feel the way you do. It might be that he isn't really aware of it - my sister was very hung up on her ex for a while, even though she had no intention of resuming the relationship.