RYL Forums - I'm great. I suck. My life is in a pretty unusual place. Help?

p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; } Heya, I'm new! This looks like a place that's pretty active, and I need some feedback. Badly. I don't really know what's relevant and what's not. Apologies for the wall of text. I'll try and make it entertaining.

(TL;DNR, or whaaat?)

I'm nineteen years old, my problems seem to stem from the fact I feel way older than I should. Also, I can grow facial hair.

A brief timeline:

I was five years old when I moved from California to Dublin. My mother and step father came along too (How nice of them). From about 5 years old until I was about 12, I was an outcast; a combination of awkwardness and Irish xenophobia (I.e, I was weird). My step father became increasingly abusive towards my mother to the point where they separated when I was 11.

To escape all of it, I read. A lot. (Incredible stories increase your imagination and create unrealistic expectations. I'm sorry your Hogwarts invitation never came!). Due to that, and being raised [rather unusually] with Star-Trek and Punk Rock music, I was always really intelligent.

By thirteen, I became a competent guitarist (Of course it was classical style! Of course it was!). I was a fantastic artist (I.e, I could totally throw down some recognizable Naruto characters on a piece of paper). I got really involved in martial arts, three different styles, all up to brown belt level. I was a terrible skateboarder, (but I gave it socks!).

When I turned thirteen, I went to Secondary School. People suddenly started thinking I was cool! Two months in, I was dating a girl three years older than me. By fifteen, (probably four girls later), I knew too much about the female anatomy. I started hanging out with a pretty bad crowd, it was all a rush, I was going to clubs in the city and doing drugs (My Grandmother would be proud. Seriously. She would). No one really suspected, my grades were always phenomenally high, and I could charm most of my teachers. During all of this, my mother and I's relationship started seriously degrading.

At seventeen, I met the first girl who would really be my first proper love (She had a tattoo. How radical!) She was nineteen and getting ready to go to art school. We became pretty inseparable. I was really competitive with her over art, I always thought (knew) I was a little bit better than her and even redid parts of her portfolio. I ended up becoming this little pseudo-politcal skater kid (I bleached my hair). I was running the Irish Longboarding Association and the youth council for my district (I'm playing both of these off pretty coolly. They were awesome achievements, a recruiter told me to put it on my resume for a huge [unnamed] company).

Then she cheated on me, we broke up. I became an absolute mess for six months, I started binge drinking and ridiculous sexual promiscuity (I even listened to Taylor Swift!). I made a point to have sex with all of the girls that she had ever called pretty and unattainable (The true way back to an ex-lover's heart!).

I did half of my Irish Leaving Certificate exams while either drunk or hungover. Funnily enough, I did really well. Eight best in my year.

The day I turned eighteen, I moved out of my home and lived in this abandoned house. I started working in a door to door sales company.

That's where everything really changed. I was really, really good at it. The company is an MLM, meaning if you can teach and train other people how to sell, you make more money, you get more responsibilities. After eight weeks of working there, I was sent on my first international business trip to The Netherlands (No drugs used. You see. I'm mature now!). Over the next year, I was sent on five trips abroad (Again, I'm trying to play this off cool. This was a ridiculous honor. No one out of the 550 IC's working in Ireland got to go abroad as much as I did). I became a business person, I own eight suits. People really, really look up to me as a mentor, business coach and boss (They do not, however, try and copy my dance moves).

Then I got the chance to start my own business in The Netherlands. I went, hey, why not? I had just turned nineteen, I was kicking ass. I was excited. (and rich)

And guess what, after about a month, I met a girl (of course you did, jackass). She's a ridiculously beautiful Belgian girl. She's the first girl I ever met that was more messed up than me. She was put into a bunch of asylums for troubled teens, her parents were crazy religious people. At fifteen, she had enough, and boarded a train for Amsterdam. She was fostered by a Hindustani family, and had an arranged marriage after a few years. She wasn't allowed to leave the house without a chaperone, and was kept pretty much locked up. This ended about two years ago, but she still had pretty bad agoraphobia until she was recruited into a sister company of mine. (I think you can see where this is going. I'm REALLY good at making decisions). I accidentally fell in love with her.

Fast forward three months. She's going through ups and downs, my business is going through ups and downs. We live together, with a 71 year old Indonesian woman who is our housemate/landlord. We're each other's rock, we're both alone. (We're both attractive).

Fast forward five more months [Three weeks ago]: (Uh oh!). She tried to bang one of my business partners (He is 32. Who would have guessed she has daddy issues?) while I was abroad for a week. (Uh oh!) my business is completely failing, I just lost 15,000 euros and now I have no money. (Uh oh!), she's gone completely crazy. (Uh oh!), I still live with her!

[Fast forward three weeks. Can you keep up with the Narrative. I can't!]. (Uh oh), someone who works in the sister company arrives at the home (I will just mention. I have complete authority to fire him. He is technically my underling. This shifts the power balance entirely). He stays the night. One day later, he's still not gone. My landlord informs me that he just got kicked out of his parents house and is going to be staying here for a month. (Uh oh). He's a 28 year old muslim dude, who appears to be a absolute greasebag. (Why are you 28 and only getting kicked out of your parent's house now. I did that TEN years before you did!). I really hate violence; but, I am definitely considering knocking him around. Or getting him fired.

I am going to a few job interviews now that promise a 45k salary, mostly managing accounts or client acquisition (They do, however, offer free food and massages). Even if that goes well, I'll have no money till the end of January, my rent is due before then, and I really have nowhere to go. I still have feelings for this girl, it's like she's going through goddamn adolescence and I'm stuck in the middle of it.

I don't really know what I'm asking. I just need feedback. I'm trying to be funny but my situation is really messed up.