need support, graphic/triggering
 

hi guys... id really like some support if anyones up for it. as some of you know i got on meds last month for the first time ever and they went to double the original dosage today. the med has been giving me worse suicidal thoughts and im waiting to get in with a psychiatrist to find a better one, but ive had the urge to cut my wrist all day. i know i have to wait out getting used to the new dosage but as i write the stress is building. dont even know what im trying to ask for here... attempted suicide last week and feel like a failure for not being able to follow through. just feeling super down about the whole thing and its affecting everything else in my life as well.

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing adverse effects from the medication. Have you told the prescriber that you are having these issues? Sometimes medication can cause an inital increase in suicidal thoughts, but it's still important to monitor these so that they can rethink the medication if necessary.

Do you have a crisis team or something similar where you are, who you could call to get some support?

What sort of distractions have you tried?

i told them when they upped it i was scared of that particular side effect getting worse. too paranoid to talk to them now, i dont trust him.
my cuttings going to places where other people can see and i dont understand why. its freaking me out and causing anxiety. im so done with this.

ive attempted normal distractions to stop or slow myself from sh. as far as anxiety, ive tried breathing exercises which usually work. the urges are so much stronger than theyve ever been before and often all my distractions do is hold it off for a time. not trying to sound like im just giving up but in a way im to that point.

I think, ultimately, that this is something you really do need to talk to him about, and I know it must feel quite difficult right now in that something he's prescribed is making you worse, but it might be that he has an alternative suggestion to make things better.

Is there anyone you could talk to in the meantime about how you're feeling like your GP?

monday calling gp right away and getting a referral. i need to see a psychiatrist soon. tonights sh has been worse than ever and its not suicidal but it could be accidentally if this keeps up. i cant control it any longer, distractions arent working. feel so down and lost and alone.

im so fucking paranoid right now

talked to bf and a chatline. bf hates the new sh on my arm. might be in to see someone soon, procrastinated and never called psych. not sure where to go from here but the main crisis seems to be over, thanks guys!