Scared to Talk *Trigger*
 

Hopefully I'm doing this right.
I've recently started back to cutting heavily. I don't sleep much anymore because of nightmares, waking up scared and panic attacks. I still manage to act happy and try my hardest to smile around others but even that makes me mentally drained and hate myself more.
My Ex knows that I'm having a rough time but he doesn't know the extent of it (since I'm scared to tell him I'm cutting again and not sleeping). He wants me to talk a professional which part of me thinks he is right. Sadly, I'm beyond scared to talk to someone and tell them that I'm cutting and thinking really bad thoughts and dont know how to stop. I was talk growing up if I told anyone I would be sent away. I know that sounds really lame but I've believed it ever since I was a little kid and as irrational as it is I still do.
I know something needs to be done just to scared to take that first step. I feel like I'm rambling and losing point here I guess what I'm wanting advice on is was anyone else super scared to talk to a professional? How did you get over it? Was it as scary as you thought?

Even though it is many years ago i vividly remember how scary it was to even just consider asking for help. And i didn't do it until a good friend of mine gave me a swift kick in the behind and told me he couldn't bear to see me like that.

I know i thought at the time that talking to someone was out of the question because i was so scared of opening up and telling someone how i was feeling, that i was cutting and of all the strange and scary thoughts i had. I was sure that i was the only one thinking and feeling what i did and that i was a freak for thinking and feeling it.

But i asked for help and i started seeing a psychiatrist shortly after. And i soon found out that i wasn't a freak for thinking and feeling how i did and i wasn't the only one who cut herself. I was met with respect and empathy and we worked at a pace where i felt i could contribute to my own recovery.

I know it is scary, especially when you are very young because it seems so important to seem fine in front of everyone because you are afraid of alienating yourself even more from your peers. But asking for some help might just be the best thing you'll ever do for yourself. A good therapist will work with you in the way you feel comfortable with and will meet you where you are. They will challenge you but they won't demand impossible things from you. And they will make you reflect upon what started all this so you together can work to solve the underlying problems.

All i can say is please don't suffer in silence because there is help out there. And you are not weak or broken for needing a helping hand, we pretty much all do at some point, even people without any mental health problems. Don't waste your youth feeling like this when there is a huge possibility that you can get better with some help. Sometimes we have to do things no matter how much they scare us and doing those things usually turn out to be some of the best things we ever did for ourselves.

You are worth helping and you are worth a better future!!!!

Thank you so much Zurg for sharing your story it really kind of helped. It's a scary thought of going to someone and opening up to someone but maybe I can do it. Thank you

I have just recently started counseling. It was very difficult to make the initial appointment but that was probably the hardest part. You don't have to tell anyone why you're going or even that you are going. If you can go on your own when you feel the most comfortable it's a lot easier. You don't even need to tell the receptionist why you want an appointment. Another thing to keep in mind is that you don't have to share everything with a counselor or therapist. I have not told my counselor that I cut or have thought about suicide. Sometimes it's easier to talk about the issues that are causing you to cut then to talk about cutting and that can help you quit cutting. It definitely helped me. I wish you luck and hopefully you feel better. Feel free to contact me through pm if you have any other questions. I'm always willing to help.

I wish they could have a "group appointment" arrangement for GP's so all of us scaredy cats could all go together and nominate a spokesperson to do all the talking for us :/
No advice, sorry. Just wanted you to know you're not the only one scared.