Just bc someone is friendly...
 

...and talks to you don't mean he or she likes you, right? I heard someone say a few days ago that even when she can't stand someone, they wouldn't know it. She still be friendly and polite. Then I began to see it more with other ppl. Is it true all across the board?

That was my question on another site. Here's a really good answer someone posted. "Indeed.
Some people will show if they dislike someone, but the norm is usually people will hide if they dislike someone or not. This is more often found in women then men due to most women having a very "catty" nature. It is also quite rude telling someone you dislike them, so most of the time people keep it hidden.

Sometimes, not telling someone is a better solution than letting them know. It may hurt them more than slowly letting that friend drift apart."

Among those that talks to you, you can tell which ones likes you by the amount of effort they put in the conversation. Also, if you could get their attn w/o putting much effort.

I never knew that before and I'm 25. Does that make it a really advanced concept?

I think that what you are saying comes down to politeness, maturity, and tolerance.

I'm also one of the people where if I do happen to dislike you, I will do my best to not let it on.

It's not their problem if I don't like them, it's mine. Either they have some quirk I can't stand or perhaps their views are radically opposed to mine and I just don't have the time to be friends with everyone. And sometimes I just don't like that person, it's not a like or dislike thing, I just don't really care.

But I will still be polite and kind. It's not out of a desire to be 'catty' or anything. It's more a time thing. Being mean takes time. Being friends takes time. I don't have a lot of time, there are only 24 hours in the day and I can't be there for everyone I encounter.

I think that this is something that people learn when they get older. When you're a kid, you go to school and you maybe play sports or something, you don't see that many people. When you were mean to someone, wasn't one of the things people told you was "you don't have to be mean" or "try to be nice even if you don't like them". In my experience, this is something that is taught better to women than men and it ends up being expected more of women than men so women tend to have a better stake in learning and practicing and showing this skill.

Now when you're a grown up, you have your friends, you have coworkers, you have a LOT of people you encounter on a daily basis - a lot more than when you are a kid. Do you have time to be friends with everyone you see? Can you prioritize which people you are friends with? Do you like some people better than others? Of course!

Should you still be kind to other people? Yes. Does being kind take any time? No. Will being kind cost you anything? No. Sometimes it works in your favor.

Will being mean cost you anything? Yes. Does being mean take time? Yes.

I agree. Up until end of high school, kids will show when they dislike someone bc they're preoccupied with being popular. That's why it's not until adulthood that most ppl know about not showing it when you don't like someone.

4-5 ppl at work talking **** about me
 

I been at my job 3 years. Most of those times, I used to...
Screw around and crack stupid jokes (bathroom, drugs, alcohol, etc)
B*tch about stuff
Ask nosy questions and getting in ppl's business (keeping track of other ppl's hours, quizzing someone about her high school experience, etc)
Following ppl to lunch break too much
Generally being hyper

I stopped all that for the past 3 months. They were all (and still are) nice to me to my face, but they still complain to my supervisor even after I stopped doing those things. And btw, out of 25 ppl I work with in my dept, just 4-5 ppl do this to me and idk y. Becaus of them, my supervisor think I "do good for awhile and relapse." Except this time I haven't relapsed in the past 3 months.
I also used to complain to my supervisor when she or a coworker don't talk to me on certain days.

I'm a bit confused as to the purpose of this thread. Are you asking something?

^. Not to mention if they are asking for support then gc is the wrong place for it.

I thought I was in general support and advice.

Are these advanced social rules not typically mastered till adulthood?
 

1. not to ask too deeply (or too much detail) about other ppl's lives.
2. when ppl do share those details, not to broadcast it to a third party.
3. Keep different distance from ppl based on relationship to them (i.e. family vs friends vs work colleagues)
4. Not to treat everyone you meet like your best friends, esp at first meeting. (overly friendly.)
5. Just bc someone talks to you doesn't mean it's ok to latch on to them.
6. Match emotional tone of conversational partner.
7. certain questions about personal lives are ok to ask friends but too personal for ppl u barely know.
8. Not to walk up to someone and start asking questions about that person w/o surrounding conversation.

I only learned those a few months ago and I'm 25, so are these advanced concepts?

Even more advanced concepts that aren't mastered till 30s:
1. Being aware when you're loud
2. How to joke around
3. How to avoid "simple statements" in a conversation
4. Being aware when you're off topic/knowing the focus of conversation
5. How to pause between sentences
6. How not to mention numbers in a conversation
7. Expressive/receptive language
8. Assuming before having all the facts.

You seem to be created a lot of threads surrounding social interaction that are all have similar questions in them. You might be better sticking to one thread rather than making multiple ones.

It also appears like you stuggle with social interaction given a lot of these questions, in presuming this is something that you are trying to work on?

I wouldn't say any of those things you have listed are advanced concepts, especially ones that you have listed as only learning in your 30's. For me personally these are all things I learnt as a child.

May I ask, if it isn't too personal, have you got any learning difficulties or medical conditions that make learning social interactions difficult for you? I'm just finding it hard to understand why a 25 year old is struggling with these things. I mean no disrespect.

The top list, I had just gotten under control so I'm good on that one.

The bottom list, I'm still working on.

You learned them all as a child? As far as I know, most ppl prolly didn't until adulthood, but I could be wrong.

Also, I did plenty of stuff I knew was not acceptable at work, such as screwing around and making inappropriate jokes (I.e. Alcohol, puke, etc.) Or making jokes at other ppl's expense. I was also hyper at some times and b*tch about everything at other times. At one time, I was swearing at someone in Spanish. Also, I was singing and dancing in the salesfloor with a male coworker at another time. I guess I'm paying the price for past behavior.

Yes, as I grew up and asked questions that might be inappropriate as a child I was often told how I had asked something that was incorrect to ask and learnt from my mistakes. I'm sure I'm not the only person who was taught these things as they grew up.

Again, as I said earlier, you are creating a lot of threads on how to interact with people so this is obviously an issue for you. You also appear to be slowly becoming aware that your behaviour towards others recently may have been unacceptable. It seems to me as if you have been behaving a bit immaturely and didn't realise until recently, is this true?

What exactly are you looking for in terms of support in this thread as it isn't exactly clear? Do you want advice on how to interact with others properly?

I too, like Cat, was taught these things growing up, as you make mistakes and learn from them so these things become second nature.

As above, it's difficult to know what you're looking for from this thread.

x x x

Yes I was taught stuff growing up but not everything and not in-depth. I'm only asking for advice yeah.

Would you mind answering this question please, as I feel it may help us to help you better?

Although what exactly are you looking for advice on? Can you explain what it is that you want from this thread?

I never thought I had specific difficulties. I just thought it was normal not to know certain social rules. As for advice, it's on how to interact and talk to ppl.

For instance, not too long ago, a new girl was surprised that a coworker has the same first name as me. She said she'll have to remember that. I went, "yeah we look the same but not really." Thing is I look completely different from that coworker, who didn't find my joke funny. She even went, "what the hell! No we don't."

Now multiply that daily and u get the gist.

People's level of social skills differ and these skills are usually acquired through growing up. A lot of that second list I have developed well before 30 and some of them don't seem advanced to me, like pauses between sentences. Even the first list has things about keeping secrets which many older children are aware of.

But that's just me and some people have social communication disorders or developmental disorders that make this difficult too (not saying you do!) But everyone is different.

It sounds like social situations are hard for you. Have you ever mentioned to a counselor or doctor that these rules you perceive as difficult? It may be your social development is on a different scale to others and you need help learning the rules.

I'm seeing a counselor right now. I learned those rules from counseling. I just didn't know these skills were acquired while growing up. Were they taught or just picked up?

I only knew not to share things about someone's personal lives if they tell me not to. Otherwise, I shared it freely as long as it's not personal (e.g. Money, sex, etc.). For instance, a colleague said she's having dinner with a friend after work. I announced the name of the friend. Then she got on me and said it's up to her to share that detail, not me. She didn't believe me when I said I didn't know.

For me personally it was a mixture of both really.

It is great that you are learning how to use these skills though, it must be quite hard to only just be learning them now.

Can I ask what your childhood was like? Did you have many friends?

Are there any of these skills that we could help you with? Like give you examples of acceptable/unacceptable things to say in situations etc?

I had friends as a child so I wasn't aware anything was wrong. I was never taught these skills I listed nor did I pick them up. Examples of (un)acceptable things to say are perfect!

Are there any specific topics of conversation that would help.

Or can you give me a list of things that you've said to people that are unacceptable and I can try to explain what you could have said instead?