Idk what to do.
 

idk... I just don't know where to go from here. I graduated high school, I had a job this summer but now the seasons over. I'm trying to get another job, and figure out college. Everything so much harder than I expected. I feel like a freeloader and my parents house. Like I don't deserve any of it. I want to be better, but I don't know how. I probably sound like I'm whining, I don't mean to. I just don't know what to do, and I hate it.

School was never easy for me. I felt like the environment, other kids and whatnot, hindered my ability to learn. Most of my highschool life and blamed it on them. I realized late into my junior year, too late that it was all on me. Now I don't understand how to fix it. I... I just don't know what to do. I have no motivation for anything. I run to my problems with fantasy and fiction because it makes me feel better, if only for a second.

I'm going to my local community college tomorrow, my grandfather made me a deal that he pay for my first quarter if I got my crap together basically. The way he explained it sound so easy like how couldn't I have seen it before. He made a point to tell me you would be hard, and I know it will be, but I want to be better.I don't know why or how or what I'm even reply trying to accomplish. I think my biggest fear is that I can't. That this is it. Life will never be better. That I'm doomed to be broken and alone. At least I have my fiction and my fantasy.

My best friend lives with me. I love her to death but all is doing is starting resentment. She's just as I am in the free loading department. I know I have no room to talk but she takes advantage of us too. Except she doesn't know it. Or at least claims not to. It makes me so angry, but its same time I feel like I'm looking in the mirror when I see her, not literally but the way we act, the fact that we just sit at home and do nothing most of the time.

Hi, it sounds like you have a lot going on for you right now. I just wanted to reply and let you know that you really are not alone with being overwhelmed with life. From personal experience, every time I have left one level of education to move onto the next one I have dealt with the exact same emotions you have described.

The best way to deal with it for me was to focus on what I wanted to do next, which isn't always easier said than done. I've always wanted an education so a lot of what I do in life has been focused around that.

You've said that your Grandfather is going to pay for your first quarter at college, do you know what you would like to do with it? I just ask because if you are not 100% sure of what you want with a college education it may be a waste of time in the long run. That said, is there anything you could do relating to things you are interested in.

Job wise, it can be difficult to find jobs at the moment, especially as a lot of things are only temporary jobs at this time of year. What sort of things are you applying for? Have you thought about applying for things that aren't related to jobs you had in the past. Do you have any friends who may have jobs who know of any openings where they or know of jobs in your area.

As a final point, would you say that you are feeling overwhelmed because you are trying to deal with a lot at the moment? I know when I get overwhelmed with the bigger picture it can help to step away and only focus on a small aspect of it.

I hope some of this helps you.

I do think ur grandad is right on what hes saying. Going to another local community collage but be whats missing in ur life. You always got to start somewhere and i do believe that. This could be the answer to knowing where ur career will be.

Have u had any support with any other educational services what can help u look for work or a career to help u with writing up cvs, application forms, interviews? I suppose u Havent had that any support from no other services but could starting up with ur local collage help u with that?

As for ur friend, well maybe she dont really know what she wants to do and knowing having u there is all what she needs right now. Though u want to do something now that u have finishes college. Could u try and help ur friend in finding something she may wanna do just to give her options for her to decide on?

Im not sure if u come from the UK but theres this website what u and ur friend can both look at and thats called The Careers Advice Service what has lots of information and advice on Employment and Education on different varies methods on how u can get the Job of ur dreams, looking for 9.00-5.00 to Job, thinking of going back to college or thinking of doing an Apprenticeship. Would this be a good idea to look into?

Try and look into the future and not the past. You got a lot of things to look forward to and i know u will find something u enjoy. Dont try and think ur not good enough cuz u are and ur friend will two.

Im here if u wanna talk x