RYL Forums - Mum landed in Heathrow and I'm sick with anxiety.

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- - Mum landed in Heathrow and I'm sick with anxiety. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=228168)

Mum landed in Heathrow and I'm sick with anxiety.

My mum just landed in Heathrow Airport from Poland (she went to see her family). Tbh I wish she could stay in Poland for the rest of her life.

She loves controlling me and has been abusive to me since I was a child. I moved into supported housing at 19 and now I'm 25 and I live back in my dad's second house (he lives abroad).

My mum keeps trying to find ways to go and stay in my dad's house (ie where I am now).

My parents are separated.

My mum even had the nerve to go to my dad when he was in the UK and beg him to let her live in this house. Thankfully he said no, as all she wants to do is control me (she often says to me "you need me to look after you 24/7, to make sure you do everything right").

My mum had an alcohol problem for 17 years (she doesn't drink now as she can't afford the alcohol she used to get drunk on frequently) and when she was drunk she would abuse me emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically.

Now she wants to celebrate Christmas and New Year....with me in my dad's house. Obviously that is not going to happen as if she is allowed once into my dad's house, she will think that means she can come round any time she wants.

My mum wouldn't hit me now as I would hit her back, but she still tries to control and manipulate me. However she has nowhere to go for Christmas so I may spend Christmas with her.

However spending Christmas with her here in my dad's house is an impossibility.

So where can we go for Christmas? Her bedsit where she lives is awful apparently. I don't know if there will be any restaurants that won't be packed. I need to accommodate my sensory issues.

If I don't spend Christmas with her, she will abuse me endlessly.

As for New Year, I really don't know. I cannot go out to the fireworks as that would make me have a meltdown. Last New Year I was in supported housing and I spent that time in my bedroom playing computer games, which is generally how I like to celebrate such occasions.

Help?

How does she contact you? If it's via a mobile then I would get a call blocking app (they are free) and hopefully she will get the message. You don't have to spend any time with her and if she turns up on the doorstep then I would contact the police. I know it's hard but you need to show her you are not a pushover and her presence is not welcome.

Quote:

Originally Posted by insignificant_one (Post 3865010)

Thanks that makes sense. I'm going to inform my support workers about this too so that they can make sure I don't come to harm, or at least try to prevent it. Calling the police is wise. I think there is a note on the police system about my mum causing me trouble.

Contacting your support workers is a good idea. Hopefully they'll be able to provide extra support and if necessary they can talk to her and tell her to leave you alone. She may get the idea to leave you alone if it's coming from someone else.

Hi Oly,

I'm sorry this is causing you so much anxiety right now. I think talking to your Support Worker is a good idea and hopefully they can help. Calling the police is also a good plan because if there's a note on the system they can step in.

Could you discuss the options for Christmas/New Year with your Support Worker to try to find the best thing for you to do? Obviously they have knowledge of what you are able to do etc, so what would work for you.

x x x

Thanks both.

I talked to one of my support workers and she said that I should ask my friend and her boyfriend to come round over Christmas and New Year to make sure I'm safe.

But I'm so scared of my mum going absolutely mad. My mum's gone and bought me presents from Poland and she wants to see me this weekend to give them to me, aka blackmail material.

I'm sorry that your mum is putting you in a difficult position. It sounds like she has made things very difficult for you in the past and that you are better off when you don't have contact with her! Have you ever had a conversation with her about the reasons that you don't want contact? I wonder if writing a letter to her might help her to understand that you are not interested in a relationship with her, and then hopefully she might back off?

She will emotionally blackmail me until I relapse if I say I don't want contact with her.

My mental health is already precarious due to this course.

What communication medium would she use to contact you in order to blackmail you? I'm wondering if there's a way to block all channels, so that she wouldn't be able to contact you.

My mum would use text, call, email, Skype, turning up at my door etc.

However she has done some nice deeds lately. I don't know if I should give her a chance.

I personally wouldn't. She may be all good atm but she could easily turn. From what you have said she isn't worth it.