Afraid I'm relapsing after 16 years
 

I developed anorexia when I was 13 and I had problems with binge eating while in university. I seemed to be stable for a few years. I was healthy. My diet wasn't the best, but I was very physically active and able to maintain my weight (though I was never 100% happy with it). I was laid off a few months ago and had to come and work for my parents. I've been feeling scared and lonely and stressed out. I work 60+ hours a week and am totally exhausted. I started cutting back because I felt like I didn't want to lose any more control over my life. Going back to my hometown from living in the big city (Toronto) felt like I was giving up on my life and career. I didn't want to give in and be complacent and become some fat hometown girl.

I went to the store today and was happy that a pair of jeans are now big on me. I'm not underweight yet (I'm 5'6"), but can count my ribs. Everyday I keep telling myself I'm going to up my calories and maintain and I can't bring myself to do it. I fainted yesterday at the grocery store when I found out I didn't get a job I really wanted. It seems like everything is spiralling out of control all over again...:crying:

Can you talk to a health professional? Get help as soon as you can. I relapsed after 19 years, but I realised it and got help as soon as I could. This has been shown to improve recovery time and outcome. I've met some great people, too. Been a hard road but step by step I'm changing direction.