I'm a horible person.
 

Riggght.
I am a horrible person.
Mum think's I hate her.
I don't!
I shouldn't be doing this to her.
But I wish she wouldn't make me feel so guilty.
I wish she could just ignore the fact I cut.
Coz whenever she brings it up I just wanna do it more.
I HATE MYSELF.
I want to do it more and more.
I just wanna bleed.
I'm never gunna amount to anything.

I'm fat too.
I had two lots of curry tonight.
I'm huge as it is.
I repulse myself.
They keep telling me I'm getting too skinny.
That a size 6 is too small.
But I still eat like a horse.
I must be fat.
I look ****ing pregnant.
My thighs are like...elephant thighs.
But I still can't control myself.
I hate it.
I want to purge so much.

I scare myself.

Why is it that when I find a nice guy that wants to be with me...
I don't want him?
Well I do...
When we're alone together it's great.
But he's not my type atall.
And I dunno...I'm not sure that I wanna be with him.
He wants it more than I do.
I don't wanna hurt him.

I am a horrible person.
x

You're not fat, and you're not horrible, you're a wonderful human being from what i can tell, and i'm usually a good sense of character, hope you're feeling better soon :) *Hugs*

You're not a horrible person! Don't be so hard on yourself. Your mom probably knows that you don't really hate her, but have you tried talking to her? I know it's hard, when I lived with my mom I could never talk to her about my cutting, and she didn't understand it, she didn't talk to me about it, but would make comments hinting at it that made me think she was mad at me, but I know it was just because she didn't understand and it upset her. I should have talked to her about it, I just never could. It's not easy, but maybe you can try explaining things to her.

There is no way that a size 6 is fat, you're tiny hun, try to believe others when they say you're getting too skinny. You didn't even eat that much, you know you need it anyway. You're the only one who sees yourself the way you do, nobody else thinks you're fat. Try to take care of yourself.

As for the guy, you don't need to make any decisions right away. Remember that a guy doesn't always have to be your type to have a good relationship. Let him know that you don't want to jump into anything but want to be friends for now, and if you want more later you can take it from there.

I hope everything works out for you. I'm here if you ever want to talk, xx

-kelly-