Feeling
 

Hi,

As most of you know, I've been seeing a Psychologist twice a week for the last 10 months having previously been under CAMHS/MH services. Only recently, I've been able to express more in therapy and today, was pretty overwhelming. When talking about a few memories, I started crying, like really started crying and cried all the way through. It felt really weird, my eyes felt weird, I felt so sick. I feel so ashamed and angry that I spoke. I feel like cutting so much. I'm seeing my Psych again on Friday and she reminded me to get in touch before then if I need to.
I worry that it will upset her. She reminded me she's a professional but it's human for her to feel sad at times; she's said it's part of the therapeutic relationship.

I feel really out of sorts and really strange :(

I think it's important that you do talk if you need to. Part of her job is hearing upsetting things, and she's trained to deal with that in a professional way.

Are you finding her helpful?

She's helped me more in the last 9 months than the NHS have in the last 10 years. It's going to be a long journey but things can get better, can't they?

Definitely things can get better.

I find it hard to talk to professionals about stuff too. I had a discussion with one of my psychiatrist about this and he said something which I have tried to always remember when in the same situation. He said That it is human for him to have emotions based on things we talk about, but that his training enables him to create a distance. In the session when I am talking about things he's going to feel empathy and sad feelings, but once the session is over its over those feeling dissipate, he has other things to think about, other patients to see, family and friends to think about, dinner to cook. The feelings he had stay in the moment they were created.

Stick with it, you are doing well K. x

Thanks for your kind words.

I've had quite a lot of suicidal feelings lately and I'm scared to bring it up with my psychologist. I'm not too sure what to do.

Why are h scared hunny she will be able to help u put strategies in place it's understandable u feeling like this

Will it get easier to talk about the past?

it could, but even if it doesn't it's helpful to you! remember that... as for the suicidal thoughts, your psychologist is there to help you, not to make it harder for you to deal with life, they want to be there for you and support you thru the thoughts, dear. how are you doing today?

Thinking of you Kerry but I'm low on words sorry x

Thank you.

I had therapy today and tears were streaming all session. I felt so ashamed as hate people seeing me so vulnerable.

Can I have some hugs please?
x

I had to do talk about suppressed emotions and memories when I did my therapy too. It does get easier. It gets easier to accept the more you talk about it: the more you confront it and the more you let it out the easier it is to heal so things will improve. * It get's easier, but it never gets easy.

Yes it's pretty horrible and yes it's difficult, and no, maybe it won't all be fixed after your course finishes if you're time limited at all (maybe it will if you're not) but by talking and acknowledging the past you can move from raw emotions or upset/anger/shame/guilt etc to a stage of acceptance - and from that you are more able to move on a little.

Even though I still struggle, I have gained acceptance of some very tough circumstances in my life because I opened up and explored what was happening for me in those instances. I've been informed of what was going on more for my own validation, and eventually after years of crying, anger, and not coping appropriately, I managed to gain acceptance on at least one area of difficulty for me, that my parents are emotionally neglectful and that they will never change so I had to walk away.

Everything else aside, that was massive to overcome and accept that and being able to acknowledge my hurt and anger and upset.

Hugs. I hope you're ok.

xx

Thank you for your kind words.

My therapy is not time limited, which I guess is good.

I feel strange tonight.

I keep spacing out.