Honestly?
 

I am really. Bad.

But I don't want her to see this.
I'm sorry.

I'm such a hypocrite.

I don't KNOW if I love you.
I dont KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE. I really, really ****ing don't.

And the horrible thing is.

I hate myself. Just as I was learning being me was okay.
I go and do all this ****.

Should've never done that.

**** this. I'm cutting.

My arms were clean for too long. Heh.

-hugs-
I hope you're okay. Please be careful... I wish I could give better advice. PM me if you want to talk, I hope things work out for you.
<3 <3
Katie

*cuddles*
Cathy honey I know we haven't spoken in awhile but I still think about you and I still care
Poke me on msn/text me if you need a chat sweetie
Look after yourself?
I love you xx

I dream of death, all the time.
I think of death. I have panic attacks.

I have so many nightmares. I HATE IT.

I dreamt of my dead Grandpa. I misshim.

I dreamt of my dead cousin. Fvck, that was scary.
He was.. terminally ill. Couldn't speak.

It was weird. That's not even how he died!
Suicide. Mm.
Great.

I am so.. content in being alone. In fact, I love it.

I'm so tired of people. People, people, people.

The ups and ****ing downs of relationships. I just.. don't care. It's pathetic.

So yeah. I'm pushing you away.
And I'm not talking to you.

Because. I'm not right.

And

I'm starving again.

Ohh Cathy, why didn't you tell me you were feeling this bad? *prods*

I have to go just now, I'm so sorry, but I'll speak to you asap tomorrow my darling. Please take care, please please please xxxxx

You know, Tanya. xx

----------------

Last night.. didn't cut. Didn't really.. do. anything.

I'm so pleased how I can be so fake with people. I can't let them suspect it.

Everything is wet with tears. Because you've left me, now.
And.
You speak to strangers, but not to me.
Your own girlfriend.
The one you're 'in love with'.

I guess this is me paying for my sins.

Why don't you want me anymore?
You say you do, but then. Why don't you speak to me anymore?
I mean.. why? I.
So confused.
Hah.. you'll speak to strangers about me!

What.. the.. hell?

Do you have any idea how much you're destroying me? And.. and.. us?

If I ask. You'll say 'I've been revising.'

TOO BUSY REVISING TO TALK TO ME BUT IT'S OKAY TO TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE. YOUR FRIENDS. EVEN STRANGERS!

What is it? Did you get.. bored? Annoyed? Agitated by me? Is that it?
What did I do? What did I not do?

You drove me to.
Oh. I can't even say.

The number of times I've cut, cried over you.
NO-body is worth that. I'm so stupid for letting myself.

I will not let you beat me. Haha, who am I kidding, You Already Are.

But you know what? I don't need you.

Oh Cathy, You'll get through this-you're a beautiful, bubbly, Witty, Kind & Caring person. <3

I have said that-therefore it is true-by law of Robyn.

Cathy *cuddles*

Come on MSN and we can talk? Please don't let her affect you this much - she is treating you HORRIBLY. You don't deserve this, you don't - is there any chance you can talk to her about it and get thigns straight? My mind's not working yet, I'm just in from work. Come on MSN *prods*

I'm sorry.

Oh Goddddd.

I can't do this. I mean it.

Ireally eally smfksk CANT.

I'm so confused all of the time.

These exams..

I just don't care.
I couldn't care less. And I want to. But I can't.

One moment I'm desperate for someone to hold me, keep me safe.

The next moment I can't stand anything but to be alone.

I have a terrible fear of losing contact with people -it's happened so many times.

I'm going to lose everyone, I can see it.

And, I'm losing the love of my teenage years.
Yay.

Hey hun,

I don't really know you , but your posts are always really thoughtful and you're really loved in this community! Love problems and exams on top of eachother must be really hard but you can get through this. People who treat you badly just aren't worth the tears, hard as it is to see at the time.

Sorry if this is a bit generic, its hard to say anything that helpful without knowing the situation and stuff, but I'm thinking of you and I really hope things get better soon.

Soph x

Dunno if Cathy is still here, but, I went through something similar. My (ex) girlfriend was avoiding me all the time. She got really cold, less affectionate, wouldn't talk to me (but had PLENTY of time to talk to other people). It was really upsetting.

I ended up breaking up with her because I realized that I don't deserve that. And I was able to move on. You don't deserve it either. No one does. And no matter how your relationship ends (whether you stay with her, or not) things will eventually get better. They won't be this hard forever, I promise. <3

just remember, you are strong.

asking for help in a time of pain is strong. you can do this.

I dont really know yhou, but many people here are pulling for you.

^^ Cathy, if you're getting this much support from people who barely know you, imagine how stupidly long-winded my reply's going to be!

Ok, firstly - *holds tightly* Let me clarify something right here, right now. I will never ever lose contact with you. I know that I've lost touch with some important people in the past, but that's only made it even more clear that I when something incredibly special comes along, I have to hold on to it. And you're the most special person I've "met", ok? I promise right now never ever to leave you, even if you beg me. With regards to everyone else - those who matter will keep in touch, and those who don't aren't worth the effort. It's sad when friendships become distant, but please look at it as those who you want to keep in touch with, you'll find ways to m,'dear.

As for your exams - **** them. Ok, that was irresponsible, and not exactly what I meant. What I mean is, do your best and leave it at that. You're going through a rough time, and dear GOD, doing exams while suffering from depression is terrible. But you can only ever do your best m'dear. Exam results are over-rated. They really aren't the be-all and end-all, as you're led to believe. Teachers tell you that to make you work hard and get good grades so that a) they look like amaznig teachers and b) the school gets a good reputation. Exam results may open doors to some things, but "bad" results in no way close doors. There are always options, and to be honest the most interesting people I know ironically got "bad" grades. Don't worry your pretty little head m'dear.

Your teenage years are **** :P We're all hormonal, "changing" and trying to figure out what the hell this is all about. So throwing in depression will only disrupts things even more. There'll be good and bad times m'dear, but please hang on for those good ones.

Iloveyou. Come on MSN tonight, and we'll have a chat.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who's left a message or hugged.

Can't say how much it means.

Haleskarth and Haloes, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's had a gf like that.
x

I love you Tan.

<2

(Did you know it wouldn't just let me post that? ^^ It has to be 5 characters long, pfft)

:(
it all sound so sad.
and i don't know what to say to you.
idk, i'm kinda doing the same to my friend at the moment.
but for me it's because i just feel so **** but i can't let her know because it adds to her problems.
and now we're just ****ed.

but you and your gf, i don't know =/
have you tried talking to her since?

and exams seriously. try your best. i know what it's like, i'm trying my best but if i fail **** it. my depression has got worse with these exams and no one knows ****, so at the end of the day as long as you know you tried your hardest, then you should be ok.

blah, i'm talking ****.
mainly because i don't know where to start.
you can talk to me whenever, becuase you seem so lovely :)

woah that's a lot of astericks.