Hospital Stay
 

I have probably asked something similar before, but I think I need to be in hospital for a while, only I would never, ever put myself in that position. I hate hospitals.
For a long time, I feel like I've been cast out to sea, I need land so desperately, but I don't know which way I'm going, how long it'll take to get there, and I've been getting more and more tired, I'm going to drown.
As bad as I've felt in the past, being in school and college has been like a life buoy I've never really appreciated, but always been aware of. I don't have that anymore. I don't know what to do.
You'd imagine that in a hospital there will be people to talk to, people paying attention, things will get done, progress will be made, but I've been told before not to expect this, and it can make things worse.
It wouldn't matter. I can't do anything myself. I try, and I get scared and mess up and fail and make everything worse and then everyone gets angry and disappointed at me. I'm tired. I want things to be simple. Why can't we just go to university and have jobs even if we are "mentally unstable". Make it work somehow. Don't make us go through this "why am I alive? I don't really see the point if all I get to do is sit in my room with my disorders and pray that if I end up homeless I still have the capacity to care."

Thats not at all what ive experienced in hospital. As a matter of fact, in my experience, nothing gets done in hospital. I get much more support in the community than i do in hospital and tbh i dont get much in the community. There is this idea of going into hospital if you need a break, to get peace, to get help but honestly, that is not how it has ever worked in reality for me. You go when there is no possible way you can keep ypurself safe or if you are in danger to others. They try to keep you alive (mostly by drugging you) but often fails at that as well. They take your free will away and do whatever pleases and is easiest for them. If you go in with the expectations you have, you will mostly get deeply dosappointed. Its a scary and lonely place, not a place for peace and quiet. Its never quiet in a mental institution.

I dont know where you are located but here they wont even let you in if you are deeply psychotic. They send people home who clearly cant care for themselves. People die. Patients and others to save money. Then they close the units during weekends because of lack of patients. The secure unit, the only place you can stay over weekends is packed to the point of bursting. Nurses dont listen, they send you to your room if you are upset. Psychiatrist, the one time you see one, doesnt listen. They give you meds. Whether you want them or not. And thats all they do. Dope you whenever sonething is wrong. You are put in rooms made for 4 people, 6 beds, 6 patients. You cant even lock in your few rhings of value. People steal, they break, they scream, they kick. And no wonder why really. The conditions they put us in would break even people who are not sick. and yet they close the units and argue no more beds for the mental. We dont need them anyhow. We are dying as it is.

I do hope other people have better experiences than me. If you feel you cant keep yourself safe, try to get a bed but drop those expectations cause you will get greatly disappointed. Try to seek mire support in the community before this. You only go in when there are no other options. Have you tried every option?

Maybe ive just been unlucky the many times ive been ip. I am sure i am in a different country as well. I can only hope it will be different for you, if you need to go.

Good luck. I am not trying to scare you off, just trying to tell you that hospital is far from often the help you expect it to be. I guess my experiences havent been good. I am also in a quite gloomy mood atm. But hospital left me teaumaticed and worse in many cases. Thats the reality of my situation.

I'm in England too. I've been in many, many psych units before and so have a lot of experience.

Basically when you get admitted to hospital initially your first port of call is the acute psychiatric ward. It's the place everyone gets sent, some move on to other types of units and some dont. It's mixed sex and ages range between 18 and about 65. You will encounter severely ill people who may shout, may cry, may steal from you, may become violent, may not wash themselves, may try to kill themselves publicly.

Acute hospitals are not a place of rest, a place to get a break. Unless you are so ill yourself that you are an immediate suicide risk then it wont really help you. Acute wards are often full to capacity, the nurses are overworked and have no time to talk to you. The days are long and boring with nothing to do unless you can get to occupational therapy which is mainly keep fit and arts and crafts.

The only time I ever felt 'safe' in an acute ward was when I was so ill Itried to kill myself and was totally overwhelmed by what was going on in my head. I spent most of my time asleep in bed on the ward.

Other types of wards are secure wards for the more dangerous, at risk patients who need more supervision.

What you might benefit from is a type of unit called a therapeutic community. It's nothing like an acute ward, its basically a group of similar patients living together and receiving intensive therapy and group therapy and help with things like cooking, coping skills etc.

But before all of that, before anyone would put you in hospital, you need to have tried a lot of community based treatment first. So are you under the care of a community mental health team? If so, go back to them and ask for more help. If not, see your GP and ask for a referral.

Hospital can help if you need the immediate safety, and it can help if you go somewhere with intensive therapy, but generally it's not a place to go if you need a break.

I'm sorry for the bad experiences. But I'm not naive. I know how I want to imagine it how it actually is are completely different. Why do you think I hate hospitals? They're prisons that strip you of rights, freedom and dignity.

I don't need a break. I need fixing. I've been involved with a CMHT before, and they were pretty useless and didn't do much of anything. I've been referred into therapy a few times, and every time after the assessment stage they say they don't know what to do to help me. I've been to a psychiatrist that became painfully useless after they switched my doctors. Heck, we've even tried to get a social worker, but it was phone call after phone call of nothing getting done and it just ends up being too much.

All I want to do is go to university and get a degree like every damn person should be able to do, but they wont let me study. I can't get work, and every now and again I try. I don't want a break or a bit of peace and quiet, I want to die, and though I take small overdoses sometimes , maybe I'm too much of a coward to do it properly.
I know type of people I may come across in those kind of wards, I'm not new to this.

I've heard of therapeutic communities before, but I don't know what the Devil you're supposed to do to get near one. The GP I have, you need to fight to prove you're serious about what you want. It's not simple, it never is. I can't do anything. I always fail, and I get stuck back here and I think I must sound really pathetic, just whining on, when there are people out there with much more severe problems. I'm just tired and I can't think things through.

Unfortunately the gateway to places like therapeutic communities is a referral from a psychiatrist. And to see a psychiatrist you need to be under a CMHT. And before you get funding to go to a TC the NHS trust for your area needs to be satisfied you've exhausted all available options to you in the community.

So I'm afraid you can't really bypass the CMHT and go straight to hospital, unless you can afford to see a private psychiatrist and get a referral to a private hospital and pay upfront or if you have insurance.

Can you not try working with the CMHT again? Why did they say they didn't know what to do with you?

It's my natural instinct to avoid hospitals at all costs, so I'm gonna trust that, I think.

I'm one of these "complex issues" people. Everyone I see thinks of a different way to diagnose me, and they can't agree on how to proceed. I made them feel very stuck.
I could go back to them, means to end, if I need to. I'm seeing a private psychologist in a little over a week, though, because my parents are sick of it all too, so they're digging up the money from somewhere.