I am so sorry....
 

I wish people did not know. One of my close friends from work says she has known all along...I hate that.
I never wanted her to know. Now I'm terrified things are out of my control, once people are aware things get harder....I'm being watched, wherever I go there's someone watching.
I cannot do this anymore. What's the point??? Just have me put down now..
No other way reallly. I'm not strong enough to fight anymore

Sorry

*hugs* I understand. I feel it too- I know in a logical sense they want to help, but it does feel awful when you don't know which direction you want to go

I don't deserve the support.

I can't handle this. My head is screaming at me.
I want to cry but the tears won't come.
Sorry I shouldn't really be here

I'm not sure I have much fight left...if any.

I'm sorry. Just don't understand. I'm messed up.

And relapsing big time. I wish I wasn't like this. Hate it

Sorry

There is no time. Just waste of space.

No need to be behind me. I don't deserve it.

I can't find an end to this. It seems to be lost.

Here you beside you in this Kate- there will be a way

Thank you.

Sorry I'm being so lame at the minute. I just seem to deal with things lately!!

Just realised that was supposed to say not dealing with things...I'm fed up of putting a front on with people. I just had to eat some veg at my friends...I feel so disgusting. But I'm watching her son but have to put on the happy face...

I don't deserve the support...I am such a failure. Got to ring the doctors on Tuesday for my test results...have to see then face to face though...I'd rather do it over the phone and not go back. It's too scary...

Freaking out right now.

So scared.

I don't know what to do

I don't feel like I'm even here

Beginning to wonder what is real?

I'm so confused :(

Everyone deserves support even you, you may not feel like it but you do. If you need to talk you can PM me, I hope you're okay.

Thank you lostandbroken...
I wish I could believe you. Things are just so difficult at the minute and I just don't know whatto do anymore. I have the doctors in 4 days...if I ring them up to make the appointment. But I'm scared that it's going to happen all over again. The past coming back. I can't do it... just wish I was left alone.

Hey honey,

lostandbroken is right, everyone deserves support, including you.

I can understand the feeling of wanting to be left alone and avoid the things that scare us, however the past isn't going to repeat itself. Can you try to call them and perhaps plan something nice for yourself afterwards as a reward for doing it?

Would you like to talk about what else you're finding hard at the moment?

x x x

Hey, thanks Katie, I don't know, I'm just struggling to put into words anything at the minute. I snapped at my partner for asking me how I'm doing...because he said I seem okay..all I could say to him was I'll talk when I want. I'm back to avoiding him again. I just can't seem to cope with this stuff anymore.

I'm not sure I even know what's going on in my head... I'm doing better at work...more in the kitchen which is nice as I'm away from people then.

I just don't know :(

The doctor rang me...I have a B12 deficiency...I've looked it up, apparently that's anaemia, but they were quite worried so I have no choice but to go back. I didn't think anaemia was that bad?? I don't know :/

I am sorry. I'm in a terrible place. I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard not to cut..but I'm worried I won't be able to resist much longer. Again. I hate myself so much right now

Hey love.
I haven't read the whole thread just your last few posts so I'm sorry if I repeat anything.

First off yeah it's best to go to your GP for the anaemia, iron creates red blood cells and they're super important for getting oxygen around your body and I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure this is whats preached at me every 2 weeks when my Iron is low, but it can really mess up your immune system. Also in the past it's left me with tachycardia that even I couldn't deal with and usually it doesnt bother me very much, so it's definitely best to get that checked out.

I can see you said you had a Dr appt in 4 days which means now it's only two days.
Now in the meantime self harm isn't going to help anything, because if it was then you'd have done it one time in your whole entire life and never needed to do it again. You have an appointment coming up where you can receive professional help and that's really good, so maybe you can spend some time jotting down what you think you need to bring up <3

Other than that I'd recommend calling the crisis team /SPA if you feel you may hurt yourself as we're very limited as to what we can do and thats why the SPA and crisis team exist.

Take care.