Wanting to Learn and Support my Friend
 

I am here as a friend wanting to learn more about this to better support my friend whom I care for dearly. I don't understand but I do care and that is why I am here. I have also shown my support for my friend with my latest tattoo. The flag is for my father and other military friends who have passed on. The orange ribbon is for my friend who has been teaching me about her SI/SH condition. The words "Semper Fidelis" tell everyone that I will always be faithful in my support of them in their recovery.

Hi Albert, welcome to RYL! :)

I am blown away by your dedication to supporting your friend amongst others who clearly mean a lot to you. I wish everyone could have a friend like you.

We have an article on our main site [click here to view it] that is written aimed at family and friends of people who self harm. I hope you find it useful. You are also more than welcome to post on our forums to ask for advice or information. The most suitable board to post in would be the Self-Injury Discussion and Support forum, which you can access by clicking on the name. Alternatively, you are more than welcome to private message (PM) me if you need anything. To do that, click on my name on the left side of this post and choose the correct link from the drop down menu.

Remember to take care of yourself too.

You would really have to meet my friend. She is a fellow veteran who as we sit here and talk is currently at a local hospital by her own choice. I cried for her for hours afterwards not for my loss but for for the reason I did not know what to do to help her.
She has been abused, abandoned, assaulted and mistreated most of her life. She has never received support from family or friends and copes with all these emotions the best way she knows how. This is the part that literally breaks my heart and causes my tears to fall because that is not who I see when I look at her.
The woman I see is one who is an awesome mother whose child is never fussy, dirty, hungry or crying yet is smiling, grinning and wonderful child. Next is I am friends with the most vivacious woman who is beautiful, considerate of others, kind, caring, intelligent, funny person I have ever met.
Because of all this I am dedicating myself to just being her friend and listening to watch she is saying even when I do not understand. I am here, while she is getting the acute help she needs, trying to learn as much as I can about her situation.

What an awesome friend you are, I know she appreciates all your efforts. Just hang in there. And I wish I have a friend like you :)

I spent the day with my friend visiting and was appalled by the lack of understanding of her SI/SH condition. They treat her as though she is suicidal with no understanding and a total lack of empathy.
I am going to see her again tomorrow so as to advocate for her so that she is not railroaded or bullied by an uncaring staff and even possibly probated.
I watched as they gave her privileges today and within two hours rescinded them. I watched as they pulled the rug out from underneath her feet. She lost all gains she had made. They waited until she had no support there to break the news to her.
Fortunately I looked back and saw that she was crying. Someone came through the door at that time and I returned to her side. I stayed the another couple of hours and after leaving her I approached the patient advocate to explain my concerns which will be addressed in the morning wish us luck!
I can listen just pm if you want an ear.

Well I went and saw her yesterday and we met with the treatment team and patient advocate. I was interesting to see how little the staff knew when it came to SH/SI vs suicidal ideations and tendencies. After the meeting they did give quite a bit back and were impressed with the information we were able to give to them thanks to this site.
So today I returned and she had slipped up and a lot of it was them not doing what was agreed upon yesterday. So the butterflies(again thanks to this site) came off and we drew new ones on our wrists to help keep us aware and focused on something else.
After our visit was over I texted the patient advocate on her behalf and supposedly the situation is to be rectified. Until tomorrow.
Albert

Went and saw my friend again today and am excited to say that she is doing well as she was at 31 hours with no SI. Butterflies are working, YES! She is taking everything in 15 minute increments right now, bit by bit. Who knows maybe this will keep up until our butterflies just wear away. The staff are slowly getting educated as to what her condition really is, though there are still a few lost somewhere from 30 years ago.

Hi Albert,

Welcome to RYL, I hope you find this website helpful. I am so astounded by what an amazing friend you are, it is so lovely to see someone come to this site for someone else and try to educate themselves and others about what is going on. You sounds like an amazing person.

I am so glad to hear your friend seems to be improving and the the Butterfly technique worked. That is so great to hear. It can be incredibly frustrating when professionals don't understand, especially as that should be there job. But it is amazing how hard you are trying to educate them and help your friend. It's great that she is taking each day as it comes, it's better to take a gradually than to say you will stop self harming all together as often that can make things worse.

It might be helpful for you to post in the Self-Injury Discussion and Support Forum as Sarah linked, as more people who are suffering from self harm look in that area so may be able to offer you some more advice and support.

Take care.

I moved this to a journal.
Thanks for looking.
Albert