Ahhhhhhh!!!
 

Firstly I would like to apologise to all those affected by my issues. You know who you are and I love you!

I should say.
I AM BORED AS ****!
and only been here about 3 hours!!!
Nothing happens on Sunday!
****ing weekends!
Anyway. I need to stay sane or they won't let me out tomorrow. And nurse said I'm getting a bit high.
Nooooo!
I am over tired haven't slept in 24 hours and I DON'T EVEN!!!

Beckie what's happened, I take it you're in hospital? I've been worried about you; if you're in hospital you're there because you need to be, can they give you anything to help you settle a bit? <3

Yes I'm in hospital. Utter bullshit!
I'm 'voluntary' but I'm not.
The doctors said I could either come up to the acute ward voluntarily and promise not to be a dick. Not allowed near the door! Or I would be put on a section 2 and taken to PICU because I was being a **** in the 136 suite and had to have handcuffs and leg restraints on and they were like....okaaaay....

Staff here recognise me. Haven't been here since I was 17, nearly 5 years ago.

The nurse offered me meds. They're trying to drug me up already!! No.Thanks!!!

I'm OK. I'm not pacing just TRAPPED!!!

this is ****ing horrible. I better be getting out tomorrow I swear to god!!!

Oh Beckie :( I'm so sorry you're in hospital.
I know it's **** but they are there to help and keep you safe.
Love you loads.

Have a hug:

Thanks Emma x
VOLDEMORT HUG!!


They don't have my meds. Lol!
Won't be able to get them until tomorrow sooooo this will be fun!

So sorry to hear this Beckie.
I hope they can help.

Well so far it's been horrific.
Just want to get out.
But can't because one attempt at legging it and I'm straight off to PICU. And this ward is locked. Less secure than PICU but locked.

Tried locking myself in the bathroom to get away from it. They didn't like that.
Tried sitting in my bedspace. They need to 'keep an eye on me' so I can't do that either.

So yes.
I always knew I hated hospital. Didn't remember exactly how much I hate it.

I really really hope they let me out tomorrow. I can't stay in a hospital again.

They keep telling me to take PRN but lorazepam makes me feel so awful.

Oh sweetie, I'm glad you're safe but I know it's a horrible place to be. Try to listen to the staff, they have your best interests at heart. Thinking of you lots <3 xx

Thanks x

I'm avoiding talking to them. The less they know the better. They are lovely, but I'd rather not complicate things.

The doctors and AMHP decided to admit me because I refused to share certain 'important' info.
The staff here haven't asked about it so I'm certainly not going to bring it up.

And wtf is with the 'you can choose to go in voluntarily or we'll section you' thing. Seriously. I'm still not allowed off the ward and don't have any more rights. Why the hell do they even bother having the 'informal' patient thing?

I still haven't slept. Coming up to 29 hours I think? I just feel wired.

Less paperwork maybe???

I'm sorry you are having an awful time. I hope you manage to get some sleep soon and if you can't sleep rest.

Sleep Beckie! You'll feel better for it. I'm sorry you ended up admitted again, but informal means it's easier/quicker for you to be discharged and more likely to happen sooner, provided you cooperate.

Beckie! *big snugs*

Are you being assessed tomorrow?

Probably right Sarah!

I am not liking being here at all.
Had a massive cry. (So embarrassing!) And the staff member was really nice so I just kind of spilled my heart out.
She's just gone off shift and said she'll talk with me tomorrow morning if I'm up to it, which is nice.

Still not particularly looking forward to spending a night here. I had no idea it would feel so different after just a year.

Yes, I should be assessed properly tomorrow.

And I'm still not tired :/

Hopefully you can try to stabilise yourself soon and get of hospital.

Are the hospital offering any support? are you allowed escorted leave to see Jasmine?

Xxx

Sending you a big parcel of love! Xxxxx
Be strong you can get through this x

Sorry to see that you're in hospital. I know how much you hate being there but if you listen to them, you will get out sooner.

xx

They're doing their best.
I won't know about discharge or leave until tomorrow when I see the ward doctor.

My phones running out of battery and have no charger :/
They have no chargers on the ward either. Gah!

Beckie, maybe turn your phone off to preserve battery for now and turn it back on tomorrow to update people on the assessment as necessary?

Thinking of you Beckie. Sending lots of love and hugs. I hope the assessment goes okay for you tomorrow