Broken Brain
 

Hi, I have another account on here but I don't feel very safe using that one just now (personal reasons, nothing to do with anyone here.)

I'm just not very sure what to do right now.
My doctor has been treating me for anxiety the last two weeks. I started Sertraline this week and have Diazepam for panic attacks (an as a when sort of thing.) I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the meds though.

A lot of the time my brain is going too fast. I don't know how else to describe it other than that. It feels like I'm constantly playing catch up to my head, and my concentration is just out the window.
It's like either my thoughts are all going in opposite directions at the same time or they spin round and round and round.
I'm not sure if that makes sense but I can't think of a better way to describe it.
I'm not feeling depressed, which is good, I just feel constantly on edge. It's exhausting.
You know that creeping anxious feeling you get when you know you're meant to be doing something but you can't remember what it is? I feel like that CONSTANTLY. I really feel like I should be DOING *something*. It's not motivation, it's not like I want to do something, it's like I NEED to be doing something and it's making my anxiety worse.
But then, the things that I should be doing (like going outside, which I haven't done on my own in weeks) fill me with intense fear.
I lay in bed at night and my thoughts are just rolling around and around, and I can't settle and I'm not sleeping well. I feel like I should be up and doing something. Just this constant feeling of having to do something, ANYTHING, just to make this feeling stop.
I have an appointment with my doctor next week to see how things are going. I'm not sure if I should hold out until then, or see her sooner. She said I can see her sooner if I need to but I don't know if this is really something I should be taking up more time with. I've seen her a lot lately.
I've not told anyone around me about it, because it's stupid.
"Please help me, my brain is fast and I should be doing something!!" Is just ridiculous isn't it? I don't know.
I'm trying to plan things to do. Like cleaning up my house and I have a few wee creative things I do which help me pass time. Distractions. But they don't stop the feeling.
Sometimes I just space out. Like, just can't do anything because my mind can't focus on one thought at a time.
So yeah, my brain is like broken or something. What do? What is this? Is it anxiety being a bitch, is it the tablets?
Or am I just over thinking everything?

It sounds like things are very distressing for you.

I would suggest speaking to your doctor sooner. I can understand what you mean I think and it's not something you should be struggling with alone. If your doctor said you could see her sooner then she obviously knows it's something distressing.

I hope things get easier for you.

x x x

Thank your for your reply.
I'm not sure if I CAN get an appointment with her, the doctors are pretty hard to get appointments with lately... and I don't think it's serious enough to warrant an emergency appointment. Plus that would be with just a random doctor.
I've been better today. I did a top to toe clean of my flat and sorted through all my and my partners clothes so things are neat and tidy. It's kept me busy until now, but my partner isn't back from work for a couple more hours and I'm not sure what to do now... And since I've done everything I have no idea what to do tomorrow.
It's also just occurred to me that I haven't eaten today, so I could probably sort out dinner for when my partner comes home.
I'm just rambling sorry.