Hopeless
 

What did I do today? I mostly slept.
What do I do most days? sleep and watch mind rotting TV.
Am I likely to be going anywhere this week. the next, no of course i won't be.
I breathe in and out, Im still existing , i can still think,
My heart is beating, I am alive.
Thats about as good as it gets..

I have little purpose, I feel once more like I am going through the motions, only this time a little bit more pathetic than before because now I feel lost and alone, I ask myself what is the point of staying here? What is the point with carrying on with the CBT, im worried it wont work.
Then there's the medication. Which still doesnt seem to do much i feel much calmer with my anxiety but it feels like the depressions getting worse, my doctor doesnt understand why im not feeling better yet as if im lying or something, all i say is how i feel. how can it be wrong? i resent going to the doctor cause i dont even want to take them because why would you wanna pay for something that doesnt work and your doctor doesnt even care? or well he doesnt seem too he just wants me to shut up, probably thinking im just a whiney lil cow but there we go thats probably what most people think.

I feel such a huge disconnect with the real world right now, it is impossible for me to see myself ever fitting back into it. I feel that every effort I am making to make some money is just a joke and a waste of time, money and effort. I am an emotional, financial and whatever else sponge and it is my guy that takes the weight of it all and that makes me believe ill end up losing him aswell then there will be no reason it seems to be.

sorry you feel so bad. is there anything that has helped you in the past when you have felt like this to make your mood improve?

theres a point in everything and i know that sometimes it can feel like there isnt.
sometimes doctors can completely misunderstand our feelings especially if they have had no experience in how you are feeling.

i really hope you start to feel better soon

stay safe
x

hi,
i do find that music is a very good help. some of the distractions that i use are:
-drawing (even though im rubbish at it!)
-writing all my feeling down even if it doesnt make sense
- i write poems
- i have also started the gym to get me motivated into doing something each week.
- as a distraction to self harm i let PVA glue dry on my hands and sit and pick it off. i know it sounds wierd!!!


hope your okay, how you feeling today?

x

Hi, Thanks for the useful tips will give them a try :) it would be good for be to find something like that for distraction to self harm doesnt sound silly sounds smart :) Im feeling a bit better than i was today, not great but its nice to have a better day for a change, how are you? xx

i'm glad that you are feeling better than you were feeling. sometimes the most little things can turn into a good distraction, i sometimes lose myself in what i am doing and i don't even realize the thoughts are gone or less strong until i stop doing what i'm doing.
i'm not too bad had a little bit of a bad weekend but i'm back home now and i'm kind of okay.
hope your okay.
xx