so tired of fighting
 

and thats it i am so tired from constantly fighting my own thoughts, my own head.
im fed up of not eating and when i do eat it being a momentous struggle, of worrying about having to eat, of thinking of reasons not to, of avoiding my friends and family incase they ask, and of it taking over my head
and im fed up of scars and cuts and hiding, and not being able to wear shorts and of the pity on peoples faces when i explain that i cant go swimming with them,
and i am so so so tired of being depressed,

but i just cant find a way out at the moment, cant find that crack of light to claw my way towards, everything feels so heavy and cold i just wish so hard that i could break out of this,
normally i can, normally its a couple of months at the most and i'll find a way up, find a way to move on, move forward,
but this time its been six months since i started cuting again, six months since the depression got so bad i went to the doc, six months of skipping meals and lying to my family. and im so so tired of it.

i just wish i could get it to stop and today is so hard, today is so heavy and dark. and yesterday was so beautiful and lovely and fun and i was so happy, so why am i so low today?

im just so scared that im going to let it win this time, let it beat me.
i dont really know why im posting, except i desperatly want to talk to someone, want someone to give me a hug, tell me that i'll be ok, that they understand, that im not driving myself insane, that i'll be ok. just wish someone could hold me and make it ok.

sorry for the downer guys. i just feel so alone at the moment.

i know its hard to keep fighting..and fighting is emotionally and physically tireing...but i just want to encourage you to fight this with everything you have...your gonna make it.

here if you wanna talk

Hun, i'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time right now.

Have you spoken to your doctor about how much worse everything is getting for you? Maybe they can help, or refer you to a counsellor so you could have someone to talk to and maybe help you a bit.

I am here, feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
You are not alone and things will be okay.
Don't let this beat you, try to stay strong,
Tabby x

im sorry things are so difficult for you right now. i dont really have anything helpful to say, but i understand how youre feeling.
take care and look after yourself
x x x

hey there
 

hey there, after reading your post,

just to let you know if you wanna talk im here ok


my names Rich
xx

thanks guys

im sorry to have been such a drag, but thanks for taking the time out to reply, im feeling a bit better today, so thanks for your support and encouragement, it really helped.

wishing you all good days

love b