Mental breakdown *may trigger sh brought up*
 

Ok so please dont judge. I've never told anyone about this beofre but i have mental breakdowns everyday. and im not talking about little mental breakdowns im talking about the ones where i look like a skitzafrenic. I had one last night where it started just because i couldnt find a movie. so then i started freaking out and throwing everything. i kept scratching at my skin because i felt like there were like things inside me or whatever. like my skin was really tingly. and i kept getting sensations in like my muscles and stuff so id like make these really weird jerky movements. next thing i knew i blacked out and woke up and i was sitting in the middle of my room completely naked (bc the feeling of like anything on my skin made me bug out) and my arms were bleeding. it was really scary. id never had one that bad before. like i cant evan decribe it. i literally lost it.
the sad part is, is that im 15. ive been suicidal and a self harmer and anerexic since i was 6. ive cut every single day sincee i was 6. ive had mental breakdiwns at least onvre a week but these past months ive had at least 1 a day

that sounds incredibly scary *hug* i know this might not be what you want to hear, but you need to tell your parents, your doctor, a counselor, or someone similar. people can only do so much from afar, and the way things are at, i really think you need somebody right there with you to help you change things. Ryl is an amazing site, and can help you a lot if you use it the right way, but having someone at home, or school, to help would make things a lot easier (though not easy)

you sound pretty worried that people are going to judge you for what you're experiencing. and, thats a legitimate concern (though not on here i think). the stigma around mental illness is still pretty bad, even though it is getting less over time. but a professional won't judge you, and hopefully your parents won't either... sometimes even parents or family members/friends who judged people for stuff (being gay, mental illness, etc) will change their minds when it hits someone that they love.

I don't think anyone on here would judge you, we've all got our own things that might seem weird or have read extreme things.

Anyway, I agree with PassedExpectations, I think you need to talk to someone about what you're going through. You don't have to go on like this, you can get help. If you don't want to talk to your parents, is there a teacher or guidance counsellor etc you feel you could trust? An aunt or uncle?

I would be very scared and worried for you if this is to continue untreated. It's awful you have suffered since so young but it doesn't mean the rest of your life ha to be the same. Good luck, and keep talking to us and well done for making this thread, I know it probably wasn't easy.

Just to add that no one on here is judging. I honestly think RYL is the most accepting and understanding place, dont be afraid we will judge you. we want to be here for you and each other.

Im sorry to hear how much you are struggling with and it does sound very scary and a lot to cope with. does anyone know about this or about that you self harm are suicidal and struggling with anorexia? i think its really important to speak to somebody so you can begin to get help you deserve xxx