I know you're all sick of hearing about this..
 

It's been 5 months since Keith has spoken to me. I've never gone this long without hearing his voice.

I have good days and bad days. The past few days have been hell.

For the ones who know me...you know how close he and I were. I talked about him all the time..always kept you all updated on his accomplishments and his sports and such...but now..I know nothing.

I understand that I sound like a broken record but if you've never been in this situation, you have no idea.

Suicide crosses my mind all the time but I know i can't go through with it. keith would blame himself. I could never do that to him. I know I've tried many times in the past and almost succeeded. But, that just isn't an option anymore.

Kaleb and I have been having a really hard time. I have to be the disciplinarian and Kelly is basically his buddy. I've now told her that I don't want that role anymore. She is his mother and it's her ****ing responsibility. She can't get it through her head that all I think about keith. If I'm speaking about it, she thinks all is well which is just bullshit. Just because I'm not talking about him doesn't mean I'm not thinking about him all the ****ing time!

I'm holding it together for kelly's b-day..but it sucks because it's all fake. Fake smiles, fake laughter....

Everyone tells me it takes time..I get that! But what if I don't have time? What if I can't survive however long he keeps this up?

PLEASE HELP ME!

Maybe you need a break from the family before it all implodes.

Do you mean my son, or aunt or do you mean Kelly and Kaleb?

Basically Kelly,Kaleb,Noa, and my Mom are all I've got.

Kelly has been stepping up with kaleb the last couple days...so maybe my brain will settle down.

Thanks Manda.
love you.xxxx

I meant away from home, some rest and recuperation for you.

Thank you Manda.xxx

Hey

I'm not a parent, but I can see the pain you are going through. It must be awful, heartbreaking, frustrating. It is so clear how much you love him, and he loves you too. How old is he now, 16? He's finding himself, finding who he is and what he believes in. Perhaps he needs some space to do this.

There is nothing I can say to make it better but I wanted to leave some words and love.

Please take care of yourself. Keith needs you.