pregnancy, depression, too much waiting
 

This is really hard for me right now. I'm loving the whole prenancy thing and love the fact that its being so easy on me with no sickness and all and its making me look after myself better.
But I can feel it all coming back. The lack of support from anyone around me locally, the doctors constantly telling me I have to wait for everything because they didn't tell me what I needed to know in the first place. The constantly being so shattered that just eating tires me out and then there is the constant feeling of being hungry.

I want to harm so badly but I know that doing that is ultimatly harming my baby which I don't want to do.

I feel so lost in a small place that has no support so not much chance of help getting out. X

Is there anyone You can call? your midwife, gp surgery, mental health team.

You don't have to feel this way honey. Call someone x

Hey,

I am glad to hear you are happily pregnant, and that the pregnancy is going well and is an incentive not to self harm.

Waiting lists are a real pain. I wonder if you could use your GP in the mean time, to sort of "check in" every so often, and ask if they could call and see how long it will be until you get help.

You said you had no support locally, I wonder if you could join some groups, maybe you could even meet some people at anti-natal etc. I know you probably won't want to tell them all your struggles immediately, but it might be nice to have some people to socialise with locally.

Phone the samaritans? just for someone to vent everything to. and if you need a voice to listen you know im always here. in uni im just in the lab so am never really 'busy' and unable to take calls.

I dont have a midwife yet until the hospital get in touch with me about my referal. The mental health team round this way are crap and I can't ring anyone for help as all I have us my mobile and tbh right now money is really tight so can't go ringing numbers not included in my minutes.

I'm just done with going through this on my own.

I can't even go to any groups yet as it takes having a midwife to get into them aswell.
I miss my sister, she supports me with everything and I know she's just the end of the phone but its not the same as having her here.

I don't know how long I can stay safe for on my own. I need to keep this baby safe but how can I do that when I don't know if I can keep myself safe.

Is there a perinatal mental health team in your area? Xx

There is pretty much no mental health team. My doctors have pretty much no interest until im 12 weeks either but until a scan I don't know properly how far I am. I've been guessing with it.
I did tell the doctor yesterday about my depression history and she just said she'd put it on my records so the hospital will know for the midwife. I'm pretty much in their eyes not having this baby growing in me until the hospital get in touch.

What does your sister do? Can she come and visit you for a bit? Or maybe go meet up for the weekend.

She's got 2 little ones and a 3rd due in July. Ut does make get very good to talk to but still nor the same. She also is still working so very much needed at home.

maybe tell her things are feeling bad, and ask her to give you a call every other day. maybe make it the same time so its something to look forward to in the day.

does she live far away? is it possible for you to go see her for the day?

She's back home in Norfolk so about 90 miles just one way. I feel so far away from all my family right now. I really don't like it.

I will text her later and she should give mw a call back. X

do you have a car? or you can get the train, if you book in advance you get get tickets rediculously cheap. once i went home, its about 90 miles from here and my ticket was £3.
hope your call went well. did you manage to talk about how youve been feeling? x

That's the thing though no matter what I can't go home as I need to work. I can't take time off like that when im complaining about tgem trying to cut my hours. I've just got to man up and deal with it I think.

I briefly spoke to my sister this morning but I can't tell her how badly this is effecting me. She knows how crsp some doctors can be about it. Plus she has her little ones to think about, I can have her worrying about me anymore than she already does. X

hey,
i have a nearly 8 month old lg..i have bi polar and i struggled whilst being pregnant. it is tough...but you will have a lovely baby in 6ish months =)

what is it you're struggling with? you can pm me if you like.
might be worth speaking to your gp about making any refferals an emergency. ask about a perinatal service. i got referred to periinatal after having my lg as i ended up with quite serious pnd with psychotic features and nearly went to hospital..but im ok now =)

I think its more the lack of anything from the medical side of things right now. Its the first time I've ever been pregnant and it would be nice for someone to sit down and properly talk to me about it all really. All they tell me is to keep track of how the baby is progressing with the week by week things, which I am doing. Even though its kinda hard as I don't really k ow how far I am properly.

I'm also funding it hard because even though everyone I've spoken to have told me I would know of id lost the baby it still feels like its not there anymore. I don't feel shattered anymore, I still haven't had sickness or any other remotely bad side effect.

By my calculations im due a 12 week scan in about 2 weeks and still haven't been properly booked into a hospital.

I feel like the medical people have taken the attitude of she's ok, she can deal with all this on her own. Lets see how far we can leave her with it'.

First of all, congratulations. I bet the baby will be cute. x3

Second, I'm so sorry about all your troubles... I don't have much advise to offer, seeing as I've never even gotten close to getting pregnant myself; I wish I could offer help, but I will be here to support you if you need it. c: Just send me a PM and I'll reply as soon as possible.

He doesn't want it anymore. I don't want to get rid of my baby but I don't want to force him into fatherhood either.

The thought of getting rid of it makes me feel so useless, like I don't deserve to live anymore.
So far this baby, even just a couple of months old has helped me so much. I've looked after myself, I've actually been happy.

Its your choice too lovely.
I believe its quite normal for men to sometimes panic about being a dad.
Xx

I know its my choice aswell but right now we're stuck at he doesn't want it and I do want it.

If I get rid of it there's a high chance I'll resent him for it but if I keep it there's a chance he'll resent me for it.

Has he told you why he doesn't want it?