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I fecking hate depression.
I hate the way it runs your life
I hate the way it makes you act I hate the way it makes you believe it I hate the way it makes you lose control I hate the way it makes you think what it wants, not what you want I hate the way it makes you blame yourself I hate the way it makes you hate yourself I hate the way it stops you feeling anything else I hate the way it sucks all the energy from you I hate the way it alters your perception of others I hate the way it gets in your head I hate the way it takes over everything I hate the way it changes what you liked before it came along I hate the way it changes everything about you But most of all, I hate the person it has made me while taking all strength and will I might have had to go back to the old me. I hate that I see no way out of this even after fighting it for so long. I hate that it's easier to just give in than spend years fighting my ass off to not get any further away from it. |
I'm sorry you are struggling so much with depression right now.
Are you receiving any support for it at all? |
Just wanted to leave many hugs.
I don't understand your situation, but I do understand what you've said, you have a real way with words. *Hugs* I really hope you do continue to fight - the sun is always there, always shining, it's just sometimes hidden by clouds. Sounds like you're pretty exhausted of the fight though at the moment - I hope you have some support around you to help you have some respite. Look after yourself, treat and pamper yourself - sounds like you could do with it. And I think it's really great you've been able to express yourself as above. Hopefully by doing so, you can release it from your system, kind of cleansing in a way? And hopefully if you can give yourself some rest, you will gain some more strength? Hang in there. xx |
I can relate to this. I don't have anything useful to add but I wanted you to know that I care.
Although it's hard, try and remind yourself that depression isn't everything you are, even though it feels like it is. Can you talk to anyone in real life about it? x |
Wow, I can relate completely and 100% to every single thing you said. I know EXACTLY how you're feeling (I'm the same) and I want you to know you're not alone.
I'm here if you ever need to talk xx |
Thanks guys. It really does mean alot that you took the time to reply or leave a hug. I don't have any support, long story, but yeah. And yeah I am struggling to see that theres more to me than this, but it's really hard to see that almost all of the time :/
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Hi,
Sorry you are struggling. My friend told me that if you are struggling then it shows that you are also recovering because a part of recovering is to struggle - I find depression hard to deal with loads of times but when my friend told me this it made the depression a bit more easier to deal with. *Hugs* Love From Meera xx |
I hate the way depression makes me prone to making bad decisions..... and then makes me feel depressed for making such bad decision.... and then more depressed because I have to live with the consequences of making bad decisions....
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^^^ Agree!
And thanks Meera, that does make it a teeny bit more bearable! :) |
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I'm pleased that my message made it a teeny bit more bearable. Feel free to speak to me any time. Love From Meera xx |
Dear my shitty crappy head that just lets depression in whenever it wants to be there,
Wanna just **** off and either stop it or stop even trying to put up a fight and let it kill me?? Im pissed off with living in the crappy in between where I have to work 10 times as hard just to live a less than average life! I wanna either be the real me and do what I want to do, or just ****ing die!!!!! To say im fed up of this is an understatement. I'm past ready for it to finish, I'm done with it so **** OFF!!!!! Thanks, The idiot who is too weak both fight it and end it |
Hi, my smile is fake...
I feel the same way you do....... too afraid to live and to weak to die... I am sitting here alone in a University Libraray... trying not to give in and let this thing (depression) take away my life.... I am finding it harder and harder every day to live with this thing...... I saw your post and even though I feel so afraid out of control I just wanted to say.... dont give in...keep fighting it... I know this sounds contradictory to the way i have just described my own feelings..... it is.... perhaps by urging you to keep fighting your depressioin i have been able to distract myself from my own negative feelings... at least if only for a while.... so I can survive if only for another day... look after yourself...... |
P.S
sorry about the spelling as well as being a world class loser i am dyslexic as well.... |
I feel like this so often. You put it into words so accurately.
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I'm done. I can't see why I fight just to continually be knocked back in almost every aspect of my life.
Going to work and keeping up with my uni course (which is 9-5 every day and we also have like 14 deadlines for the next two weeks) is hard enough. But when I'm already struggling just to get out of bed, to stay in a lecture without crying or needing to run out it's just too much!! I'm ready to give in. I've never seen myself as an actual adult anyway so it's not lie I've all of a sudden stopped seeing my future, I've never seen myself much older than I am now. So why do I keep trying to live. I wish I could just get a break from my head just to see if I do like life or not. But thats not possible. yay. Sorry, needed a rant. Just ignore this. |
I'm an old git and still struggle with thoughts of the future and that I'm supposed to be an adult. I think it's a very common worry, so please don't think that means it's the end.
Can you speak to someone in student services at your uni? They may be able to help ease your work load. Never apologize for needing to rant. You clearly need help and support just now and that's always okay. |
Thanks :)
I am speaking to them at the moment (well as in, I'm seeing a uni counsellor). But I don't know, uni currently had at least 5 exams/ hand-ins til christmas then its our big exam then we are on placement so extensions wouldn't really help that much. But wow, life is a bitch. Uabnfcijdnsajkgbfvhadonjhfdkla |
hugs. have you tried anti-d's to see if they help take the edge of it? have you seen your gp?
hope it gets more bearable soon. xx |
Keep talking to the uni, tell tutors, you will be surprised, but maybe they can give you a bit of time ore help.
Assign yourself time where it's YOU time. No uni work, but just relaxing things and things you enjoy. I can't stress this enough. It's amazing what a little me-time does for our well being. Maybe seeing your gp might be a good idea. |
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