*MAY TRIGGER SI, SA*-Not sure.......
 

Well, its been a long time since I have been on the boards so hello again to those of you that know me and hello to the newbies. I am hoping that I labeled this post correctly. It does mention *SA* and *SI*.



Well, I have been back in therapy for a few years now. I found a counselor that I LOVE! She is so wonderful to talk to. She has helped me a lot but there is one thing that we haven't touched on. My sexual assault.........

I haven't wanted to really go there because I know that I am going to be in rough shape while working through it for a while. This is the first therapist that I have been comfortable enough to even think about talking about it. I have somewhat of a plan that I am going to be sure I have my lorazepam filled completely (because I know the anxiety of flashbacks and nightmares will be there). I also would need to tell my counselor about some of my "actions" and what to be aware of. (I won't go into detail because its more things for her to watch for in me to know if I am NOT doing well) I also am afraid that with even talking about it will bring back my cutting. I am a bit afraid of that part of it all. I guess its my way of being "in control" of the situation. I will need her to really push me to accomplish this. Its not something that I just openly blurt out. It will take her asking me about specific things to get it out. I guess overall I am scared of this. I know deep down its something that I need to talk about, but I also know its NOT going to be easy.

I guess I am posting this because I am curious as to if anyone has been in a similar situation with their therapist. Maybe even a little encouragement.

I hope that you manage to talk about it and work through it. Sounds to me like you are approaching it in a very logical matter and being prepared and thats great! The only other thing I could add is trying to make sure theres someone around at home etc. Not necessarily that knows what your talking about just that your going to be going through a hard time and what signs to look out for. That way they can support you and help to keep you safe. Good luck with it all, you are a very strong person.

i've been in a similar position, and found that it was not nearly as bad and unmanagable as i expected. it wasn't pleasant in any way, it sucked tbh, but i had my fears and anticipations about it were much worse than in reality

perhaps you could edit the main paragraph of what you wrote here, and send it to your therapist?

Thanks for the support. I didn't tell her this week. She was worried enough with me being so tired. She said I looked really bad so I didn't want to worry her more. I also am not sure how to tell her.