Care co-ordinator concern: is this normal?
 

For various reasons I am not allowed a female care co-ordinator so I must see a man. I am very frightened about doing this. There is literally only one man there who will accept me as a patient and has done so.

My last appointment has left me very upset and even more frightened. He has suggested we go to a cafe for our sessions so he can see me in 'public'. This would involve me getting into his car and travelling with him *alone* and being reliant on him totally.

I'm really scared this is because he wants to hurt me.

I tried disucssing it with him but he just said it doesn't matter just chill. But it has really frightened me. Things are really hard with me having appointments with him anyway, other staff (managers) do not want me seeing anyone at all; the last time I spoke to someone else they accused me of stealing this person from his ill patients and being unfair. I did have a mental health advocate but her funding has stopped so I can't ask her either.

Hey there,

MH professionals will often try to nudge you to try things even if you at first decline - exposure is the best way to treat any anxiety - but if it's something you truly aren't ready to do yet, you should have the right to say so and request a more doable goal. Could you give him a call and try explaining this firmly again? Maybe you could negotiate or find something you are a little more comfortable with - like driving yourself to the cafe or having a few more sessions in your regular place building trust first. You have the right to take more manageable steps in facing this. :)

Failing that, is there anybody else you can talk to about this - maybe your GP, another MH worker you see, or writing a letter to the managers explaining how important it is to you to see someone else? It's extremely unprofessional of them to accuse you of 'stealing' a care coordinator and you should have the right to comfortable therapy.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood anything, but I really just wanted to let you know that I am sympathetic. Although it is important to face your anxieties as this man will not hurt you, it should be at a level comfortble for you and you should have time to build trust with him first. :)

Take care <3
- Holly

When I was first put under my care co-ordinator he was always saying about going for coffee or out into town...and while I put up with it for the first few appointments [town was in walking distance though], I told him afterwards that I wasn't comfortable with it and could we have the appointments in the centre from now on, and he obliged. It is your right to decline his offer though, if you're not comfortable with it. I would try calling him and speaking it through with him. As suggested above, try a couple of sessions building trust first - or getting to the cafe yourself and not being 'reliant' on him?

Take care,

x x x

Sorry for not responding to this before (long story).

Anyway, the problem is I am disabled and not able to get there myself, hence being forced to rely on him. I don't have any other way of getting there and can't function in public because I spend all my time checking people to see if they are being infected by monsters. I'm scared of seeing a man anyway and this is just too far.

He continued to mention it, but last appointment I just huddled by the door crying so don't remember much about it.

I did discuss it with my GP who said he should not be asking me to do that. I really struggle to see him anyway and she knows the state I'm in if she is running late from waiting in the waiting room - now she only gives me appointments at the start of her sessions.

Thanks for the advice, it has helped me understand.

[EDIT] Also want to add that he knows I refuse to enter the building unless I'm having my appointment, I won't wait inside so he is aware pf the problems with people.

i think that having him as a coordinator could be good for you. its important that you learn that men aren't all dangerous, and this could be an opportunity to start to realize that... life is going to be very very difficult if half the people you meet put you on edge...

I have to agree with the above post BUT it is also your prerogative to see a female - what reason are they giving you re seeing a female.

I have recently started working in a CMHT and having gone through a long process I know there is a lot of things in place to stop people working there who would cause harm to a service user.

As part of my role I will be takin people into the community and that may mean me going to there house first. The reason for this is that some of the clients I see will be socially isolated and whilst I could go to there house or get them to come and see me taking them out into the community will challenge this and that can only be positive!

Actually it isn't only men who I'm afraid of, anyone can be infected.

I was told none of the women would see me; actually none of the other staff will see me regardless of gender - I'm too much of a problem.

Thanks for the replies!