Got home from hospital on wednesday
 

Well i got home from the psychiatric hospital wednesday night, but things have been going down hill from then. I told my psychiatrist there that i had no interest in recovery, and the next day he discharged me. i feel like he thought i was just a lost cause, and wasnt even worth saving. Now all i want to do is cut, i threw away my blade that i had snuck into the hospital, but im starting to feel like its the worst decision ive ever made. i cant stand the urges anymore, all i want to do is cut, it makes me feel alive, it takes the focus off the **** that ive been going through. i cant deal with this anymore. i need it. :sad:

Hospital can only do so much to help. If u arent interested in recovery or working the hospital staff then unfortunately there is no point in u being in hospital unless u r in immediate danger.
Have u a crisis line number or can u make an emergency outpatient appointment?

This
 

^

This. If you don't want help/to recover, the hospital can't do much.

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for you at the moment. Please don't take discharge from hospital as evidence that they believe you can't be helped.

It might actually be the opposite. Often acute adult mental health wards are not helpful for people who are struggling with self harm as there isn't really a lot of treatment on offer and all they are really doing is containing you and keeping you safe. It doesn't give you a chance to recover or learn new skills.

Have you got anybody in the community who is in charge of your care?

It sounds like deep down you do want to recover but that you are afraid because you don't know of anything else that will help you like cutting does? Does that apply to you at all?

xx

I know it may feel like they abandoned you, but maybe refusing to help you is actually a way to help you...in a way. If you have no interest in recovery and told them that, then why would you want to stay there for help? Maybe the desire you have to get help from them shows that you do have a desire for recovery. In the end your psychiatrist only wants what's best for you, so maybe they thought that giving you some time to think about what you really want will be beneficial. You can't expect to be completely healed with no effort on your own part, and I bet they're just trying to show that to you. Do you have ways to go about getting treatment again if you decide to? It would be hard to believe if they completely left you hanging like that.
I hope it all works out! and don't hesitate to PM me if you need C:

i guess youre right, i mean like i know i need the help, its just hard to find the motivation to actually recover, you know? I started seeing an in home therapist the other day. ill be seing her a couple times a week. and i have a mentor that i will go out on the weekends with. Im hoping it will help this time. I do want to get better, im just scared. i dont knowp, i sound stupid haha sorry.