Running into ex
 

So I keep running into my ex around town. The situation with her is that she left me in october after 4 years and I tried and failed to get back together with her in January. I guess we've been apart for a while now, but i'm still really hung up on her. I still love her. Sometimes I think about her more often now that she's gone than when we were together. So I usually try to avoid her because seeing her reminds me of what an idiot I was to let her go.

So tonight my marching band had a show for our local bike shop that she organized. I figured I would skip it to save myself the heartache. On my way home from the other thing I had planned that night, I saw her biking away from the venue. I figured she was going home, so I went home and changed real quick and went down. I caught up with the band on the second song and was having a great time until she came back a few songs later.

There she was, dancing and having a good time with my (our) friends. I actually walked off mid-song. I went home. Now I feel like ****. It feels silly to be 25 and unable to get over some girl at least enough to play a concert with her in the audience, but here I am. I don't really feel like I can talk to any friends about it because all my friends are her friends too. I feel weird putting them in the middle of this. Its been 5 or 6 years since I hurt myself and i haven't really ever come close, but tonight I feel really close to doing it.

I'm really sorry, I don't know what I want, and I haven't been on or contributed in many years. I just felt like I had to put this down. If anyone has any support I would appreciate it, otherwise, thanks for just reading this.

Hi there,

That must be really hard. I suppose running into an ex is going to happen from time to time, but it doesn't make it any easier. Have you spoken to her about how you feel since you broke up?

It's good that you felt you could come back for support when you needed it!

It sounds like such a tricky situation to be in. Whilst trying to think of ways you could 'move on' from her, I found this website that had some sound advice based on attachment.

Have you spoken to your ex about how you are going to manage having so many mutual friends? It would be good if you felt that you could speak to them without 'putting them in the middle', perhaps this is something you need to discuss with your friends.

Could you try to arrange to meet up with a close friend you haven't seen for a while?

I really hope you make it through without relapsing, try to remember all the reasons you stopped and how counter-productive self harm is.