Is this a thing?
 

I'm not sure this needs to be in mental health, as I don't really think it's a thing, but wanted to ask.

I get really obsessive about things and it's driving me up the wall. Like, if I don't hear a word in a TV show or can't recall a sentence word for word I will rewind it to hear it again, even though I fully understand what's going on and don't need to, but I just get so uneasy if I can't recall ALL the things. I sometimes manage to not rewind it when in company, but I always feel very on edge if I do. I take ALL the days to write up lecture notes or make notes from a book, as I feel like the world is going to end if I don't copy everything word for word, even when there's little sentences or sections that I know aren't relevant or that I know already.

There's other stuff but I'm not explaining this very well so I shall shut up. I know there's nothing wrong with me and I don't have OCD or anything I'm just so sick of being scared and controlled by the stupidest things.

I don't even know what I want from this! Woe!

What matters is that it's stressing you out, so it is a thing!

Can you identify what it is about not being able to recall everything that makes you feel uncomfortable?
Do you fear something bad is going to happen? Or uncomfortable, like something is missing, almost?

I don't even know. It's sometimes like I might have misinterpreted and then I might have the wrong response, and then everyone will hate me. But normally it's just like a completely unidentified sense of doom. I know it doesn't matter, but that doesn't stop me feeling like I'm going to die if I don't sort it. Like I say, sometimes I just ignore the urge and continue watching like a normal human and nothing bad happens, so I should use that as evidence that I don't need to do it and stop being such a troll, but I just get overwhelmed by the fear.

With the note-taking stuff, it's like OH MY GOD WHAT IF THAT EXACT SENTENCE IS IN THE EXAM AND I GET IT WRONG BECAUSE I DIDN'T WRITE IT DOWN AND THEN I'LL FAIL. And maybe die also.

Have you started any meds recently?
I know some meds can have side effects like ocd type stuff

I know this might sound odd but can you deliberately start being a bit slack with things and ride out the feelings so you gradually get used to it. Like OMG I paraphrased.... *feels anxious*...... *world doesn't end* sort of thing....

UM yeah that is my only vaguely sensible thought.

Hi Jenna

I can completely empathise with what you are experiencing because I am currently experiencing very similar. I've just opened this thread and literally gone: "Bananas in Pyjamas, someone else is experiencing this." It's particularly interesting what you have said about TV programmes because if I miss something my brain considers 'vital' (which is completely interchangeable) from a TV programme I have to then re-watch it on a plus one channel an hour later or BBC iPlayer etc at the expense of whatever else is happening/I might like to do.

I am feeling quite low currently and so for me I think that's what has triggered it off. It is not something I struggle with when I feel more 'well' in myself. If I do things 'correctly' or 'perfectly' maybe I won't feel so low is sort of how my thought process goes. It can be very invasive though can't it? As well as disruptive. I've even been berating myself this week for not turning my mobile off 'properly!' I mean how does one even turn off a 'phone properly? So then I have to turn it back on and go through the whole process again.

I think Leclaire's advice is sound and what I have been trying to do incidentally. I am deliberately trying to do things in a more relaxed way and forcing myself not to redo them, mainly by employing distractions and going and doing something else. This also helps me challenge the notion that I am a failure and thus things will fall apart if I don't, which is my worry.

I am sorry you are currently struggling with this and feeling so stressed by it. I really hope it eases up soon and you feel less controlled by it. Can I offer you some *hugs* too?

Oh yes! I've just started back on fluoxetine!

Yeah, that's a very good suggestion and I am trying. The silly thing is that I know the world won't end or anything, it's just this deep sense of irrational fear. I guess I do need to just keep facing it and dealing with feeling scared and uncomfortable until it gets easier!

Thank you Sarah; woe that you also have the same thing! And I think I know what you mean about turning your phone off properly too!

*hugs back*

I use to do this about writting notes and my therapist said it was because I was a perfectionist but also a trait of OCD.


Sorry not a very long or useful response but just though I would share x

I am a perfectionist and I'm sure that is contributing.

Jenna, how have things been today? Have you felt able to challenge your thoughts?

I do that with DVDs and it's like I just can't leave it. I'll rewind over and over until I've heard every single word which of course ruins the whole viewing experience, when I pretty much know what was said anyway. I think it's related to anxiety or wanting everything to be just right, or an OCD trait. Sorry I'm not more help! x

I have this quite a lot, Jenna! It's really strange and almost feels as though you are literally having to force yourself not to engage in the behaviours when you have company or when you are fighting against them. I know it's not OCD (for me) but that doesn't stop the obsessions being quite irritating! You're a perfectionist? I think that's what it for me. Also, control is one of my things, so I don't know if that's something for you? The only thing I can suggest is trying to ease yourself into being more slack with it and not letting it take over. However, don't beat yourself up about it because, for me, I've just embraced the quirks and people don't really mind - as long as it's not over-the-top!

I don't think I'm a perfectionist, I don't give a monkeys what person x said at time y, I just have to know.

I was trying but then I was all fliddy and rewound one bit twice today and only stopped because Jodie was able to tell me exactly what it was >.<

TOTALLY get it, I am exactly the same... I thought it was just me and just how I am wired and part of my odd mentalness... It is quite distressing though.

When I watch something I sometimes have to repeat lines out loud to be sure I know exactly what was just said... and if I cant remember it has to be rewound or watched on a repeat! It is particularly bad when I am tired or lacking focus because I panic more that my brain isnt capturing things properly because its not concentrating!

The only thing I can think of is that you keep trying with what everyong else has suggested, dont beat yourself up about what happened the other day, its going to take time to break the habit like anything else, but hopefully over time it will be less distressing. *hugs*