Happy Birthday, my favourite Parland.
 

I would just like to wish my favourite Parland a Happy Birthday. Some know her as Sentient Treacle, but she’s known by many as “onion”.

Although it is a very special day for dear Parland, I still feel that I should give a standard warning. When excited, Parland tends to peel. This can cause great distress to anyone in the immediate area. I have been a victim to her actions and would not wish this upon other people. If you see a peeling onion anywhere in your local area, please call your local emergency services and do not approach her yourself as she can be dangerous.

Below is a recent portrait of her, however she may be in disguise as she has been known to dress up as Michael Jackson and Florence Nightingale.




She has also been known to run round dancing like a hyena. This again is unacceptable behaviour and it has often caught on to other members of the public, causing the whole of a town or city to follow her in a conga line performing hyena dance moves. Her favourite routine is the Macarena.

After reminiscing about all of the wonderful times I have spent with Parlando, I thought I’d share one of my favourite quotes from her:

“I tried to drown myself once. In me fishtank. But I accidently just made it overflow and my fish fell out and drowned. “

Anyway, I’d just like to wish Parlando a beautiful Birthday full of other vegetables. Don’t go too wild, you don’t want to wake up the next morning in a Shepherd’s Pie.

Sincerely,

Stroud.
(p.s. I promise that we are both completely sane)

Happy birthday!!!

That is the most amazingly epic birthday message i have ever read....

Happy birthday!!!

happy birthday :)

Happy birthday onion lady!! =)

Happy Birthday :)

Happy Birthday, I hope you have a lovely day. :)

I am ****ing howling over this message. Oh Stroud, you do such a great job at making me look sane. I think I look especially onionly beautiful in that photograph if I'm honest.

My glee over this post has led me to spontaneously hyena macarena all over the show, and now I've gone and peeled all over my keyboard, so alas, this message must end. Thank you so much for making this thread, and thanks to everyone who wished me happy birthday, I really appreciate it, now I just have to get through the day without ending up in a Shepherd's pie.

P.S, I feel I must clarify, contrary to popular belief, my name is not Parland, Parlando or Zara, (although admittedly it is occasionally onion), it is Cara with a C and extra chocolate on that chocalate cream.

P.P.S, I couldn't remember that fishtank quote at all, so I thought I'd peruse our previous PM's from way back when. To my fishtank comment joke you had replied, "Omg RIP fish you should get bereavement counselling hun that is terrible." To whcih I had replied, "I have bereavement counselling, I go every winter because my tree in my back garden dies then, every year and I crey everytiem."

Steph, what on Earth are our lives. I'm afraid if I continue with such awful black comedy, people will use me as a dietary supplement.

What the ****?! Y U NO TELL ME IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?! I would have got you something >.> Bitch :P

Happy birthday pretty lady! I hope you're having a great day!

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear Cara,
Happy birthday to you!

It's my pleasure. I particularly like how in that picture you are making yourself cry with your onion-ness.

I don't know what you're on about, of course your name is Parland! HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO ME?!??!

HAHAHAHAHAHA that bit got me too! I was particularly temped to include your beautifully crafted poem on the matter!

OMG going to go and buy same of that beautiful stuff!

Happy Birthday.

This is an amazing birthday message. Made me laugh!

Anyway happy birthday, have a fantastic one. :)

x

Happy Birthday!!

Leafy one, I felt that this would be an appropriate time to bump da 3 year old thread of onion goodness. I hope u have a fabulouso day with extra sprinkles. As always I disallow you from peeling or dancing like a hyena in my presence but I can allow a small Macarena if that is fitting. Hope u understand. I just don't want u ending up in a lasagne after a messy night. We do not need Italian Cusine Disaster VI

Srsly though happy birthday my favourite leaf. You deserve to have a glorious day. Luff yew.

Happy birthday! *sends whisky and Joy Division*

That is all.

Dat Onion...oh, Zara, erm, I mean, Cara, she's got your eyes!

That being said, happy birthday once again(I was going to try an make this rhyme, but then the rhyme just didn't happen!). :)

P.S.: loving all the dark humour.
P.P.S.: Jenna, amazing contribution.

Jesus ****ing Christ I was so confused when I saw I'd replied to this because I thought this was a new thread.

Thank you, you are all beautiful to this wayward onion.

My birthday was good fun, highlights definitely included my trying half successfully to get an entire fried chicken shop of about 30 people to sing Life on Mars at 3 in the morning, disgustingly inebriated. Steph can attest to this. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I attempted to request Joy Divison last night but that was a massive fail.

She didn't succeed but I give her 10/10 for effort and soul. Massively inconsiderate of him to expire on your birthday. I'll be having words about that.

Tbh the treatment I was given RE my choice to have mayonnaise on my chips deserves an entirely new thread in itself.