concerns....
 

question is in bold

i know this is silly but i have to know.

if we have concerns about another members well being or that htey are lieing do / can we report it to the mods? or do we keep it to ourselves?

I don't want to pubicly announce who i'm talking about i just think it would be a good idea if someone else had a clearer idea of what was going on for this perticular person so i dont feel as though its just me who's offering support at any given time.

If they are lying, then you could report it to the mods. I think there is some rule about pretending to be someone you aren't? However, I don't think there's much they can really do, especially since on a site like this there will be lots of lying and exaggeration going on.

If their behaviour is upsetting you, I'd suggest you put them on 'ignore'. May sound a bit harsh if you feel like you are the only one offering them support, but you also have to think of your own well-being.

The rule is about lying in general.


With regard to lying, if someone has said contradictory things (e.g. claiming in one's RV to be a college A level student then posting in the uni student thread saying they are a university student, or indeed something more serious than that) then you can post report, or maybe PM a mod with a link to both. Normally one can't get in trouble for things posted off of RYL, but I imagine when it came to lying, and someone posted on RYL saying someone had died, but that someone had just posted a facebook status, then that may well count as evidence.

When I'm feeling trollish, I really want to PR people for lying if they say they're fat and are actually anorexic :p

You also mentioned having concerns about another member's well-being. I think in general one would PM them about it offering support or information on local support services or helplines. If I was very concerned that someone was in imminent risk of death I would do one of the following, depending on the situation and how much information I had:
- call the person
- visit the person
- call an ambulance
- call the police and ask for a welfare visit for the person
- contact someone nearby (either a friend, family member or other RYL member) to pop round
- contact the person's CMHT
- contact family members (EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION)

^I have been involved in so many such dramas that I have legit crisis plans :p

Obviously these are for in legit emergency situations and judgement needs to be used. I would also normally consult my girlfriend at the very least, and probably other members/my parents/my grown up friends to check that my planned course of action was wise.

Hope this helps.

If you suspect a member of lieing please either pr it or pm a mod (feel free to get in touch)

I you are concerned about there well being the mods can't do much but maybe the supporters can help

And if you are concerned they are lying about there well being eg saying they are in hospital when you think they are at home then again please get in touch with the mods!

It's far better to get in touch with us earlier as we can investigate it etc

I suspect a few people here of lying.
I tend to leave it because they are basically exaggerating things. So not really things like they are in hospital, just things like they hear voices when they don't. Or dissociation was a thing recently.
So they aren't worrying people, just wanting attention, which is annoying but meh.

^agreed.

This is something that I have been thinking about lately so thanks for making clear the plan of action :)

I've noticed this too, Beckie. I personally feel there are members copying some of the, for lack of better words "more unwell" members.

Oh you've all cought me out!

I've been lying and coping *feels shame*

I hope you can all forgive me.

well who knows if shes lieing or not unless you ask her. Its not nice to say some one is lieing when you dont know for sure because maybe there not.

Sometimes you can tell from their posts compared to previous past posts, or if you know a little about the member from previous threads. Members that have been around for a while you kind of get to understand them and what might be abnormal from previous things so things might not add up to other things that member has mentioned, so you do get suspicious.

To be honest, I agree with this.

In my opinion, it's perfectly 'normal' human nature to think people may be lying or whatnot but I feel it's important not to let that affect the way you treat them. Otherwise we're making assumptions about them - which I'm completely guilty of - but I can't see how it benefits anyone.

For things like lying about mental health symptoms or copying 'more unwell' members, how can we know for sure?

I personally like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and take things at face (or virtual!) value.

Also, I've heard this thing about dissociation a lot and again I'm wondering 'how can we tell if they are or not?' Dissociation is a HUGE category, with several different types and like most things varying degrees of severity. We all dissociate, it's a healthy coping mechanism, so I don't find it hard to believe that many members of RYL dissociate.

Don't get me wrong though, if I feel someone is lying (or exaggerating) I do find it annoying but I don't think it's my place to judge them.

^ yes, which is why I would only report it if there was evidence. I guess we never really know.

I think you would need more to go on than just a hunch (don't know the circumstances in this particular case) I would really hate it if I was reported to mods for lying & no one said anything & people just thought of my as a liar behind my back

FF's Laws of Lies on RYL:
1. Depending on your definition of a lie the share of members who have lied falls between 50% and 90%; Dr. House was right, everyone lies.
2. Nearly every RYL members who has "died" was lying.
Corollary: RIP to all of the members who have died
3. Most members who have been pregnant on RYL at unlikely ages have been lying.
4. The likelihood that a story is a lie is directly correlated with how shocked a Reasonable person would be by it.
5. It takes an extraordinary number of man hours and pages of text to unravel a large lie.
Corollary 1 to law 5: Most detectable lies fall in this category
Corollary 2 to law 5: Due to human nature, if the lie involves the death of a member it takes very little work to prove that the death is a lie.

This.

I never suspect people of lying. Maybe I'm naive.

I KNOW when people are lying.

All the people that lie on here, I know what's true and what's not.
I laugh at your lies. Because I read them, and you don't know that I know its lies.
But I do.
It's not hard to tell. Not for me.

Because I KNOW who lies.

The lying here has gotten more frequent over the years.

Sad. Very sad.