Ugh, feel so bad
 

I know I've not posted in a while, I've had a lot of things going on and everything's just been hectic.

Anyway, I feel so low at the moment and on such a short fuse, all I want to do at the moment is cry and scream and smash things up all the time. I'm not sleeping well, I'm so stressed out all the time.

I've been thinking of going back to the doctors to get some more trazadone and lorazepam and sleeping tablets to make me feel better and feel more chilled out and maybe get some sleep but I'm tired of taking tablets all the time and I don't want to get to a point where I'm relying on them so I feel kind of normal.

I was fine for ages after I ran out but lately, I'm just not myself again, I feel like I did 8 months ago. I won't lie, I've thought about cutting and stuff and it's so hard to fight the stupid urges.

I don't know what I want from this really, I guess I just needed a rant and maybe some support/hugs, I don't know.

I think I was meant to be referred before but nothing's happened yet. I'm going to go back after Christmas if I'm still not feeling right. Been feeling a bit better today though.