Just getting worse
 

I haven't been on here in a while so I though I'd update you guys on how I've been doing. I started cutting again in like September and I still haven't stopped. I've been having really bad self esteem problems and I've been purging sometimes. It's hard cause I don't really have anyone to go to about it. Everyone thinks I'm like this perfect Christian person but I'm completely falling apart and it just keeps getting worse. I've also been really antisocial. I spend almost every weekend by myself in my room. Even if someone asks to hang out I just make up an excuse. I was doing so great, I don't know what happened :(

Hi there,
It sounds like you want to stop, but are struggling with how to. Do you know what's making you so unhappy right now?

It sounds like you're shutting yourself away. I know it sounds hard, but try not to; cutting yourself off only worsens depression and gives into its power.

isolating yourself may feel easier right now. i mean, when a person feels really badly about themselves, it makes sense that they wouldn't want to be around others in case others saw the "bad" in them too. but isolating yourself actually usually leads to feeling worse, and even lower self esteem. because eventually people stop asking, and then the thoughts "oh, no one likes me" seem a lot more validated. the truth is that you're probably being much harder on yourself than others are, and finding many more faults. the fact that people still invite you places means that they want to spend time with you. take them up on it. being around others gives them opportunities to disprove the things that you think are bad about yourself...

Hi, I noticed it's been a few days since someone commented on this thread. How are you doing now? :-)

I totally agree with what PassedExpectations said about trying to hang out with people. I understand from my own experience how hard it can be to 'put on a happy face' and go out with friends when you're feeling depressed, but I find that when I do, my smile eventually ends up becoming genuine. When you're around other happy people, you often can't help but become somewhat happy yourself. :-) It's also good to point out that people asking you to hang out means that they care about you and enjoy spending time with you. Try to remind yourself of that every time you're feeling particularly low about yourself.

Is there anyone that you could try talking to about the cutting and purging? Perhaps a trusted friend or family member, a trusted adult, or a therapist/counselor? It can be a big help to have someone else's support in getting through this, and you don't deserve to suffer alone.

Also, please try not to feel that by doing these things that you're somehow a 'bad Christian' or anything like that. I've guilt-tripped myself into that sort of thinking so many times I couldn't even begin to count them. However, we have to remember that God will still love us despite having done these things, and I'm sure he will admire you for being strong enough to fight through them.

Take care and please try to stay safe <3

Hey sorry I just saw this comment. But I'm pretty much the same. It is good to be around people, but I don't know, I'd just rather be alone lately. I know I should talk to someone about everything, but I don't even know who or how. :(

Is there anyone in particular you feel you could trust? Parent, teacher, friend, doctor?

I wish

you don't have to talk about everything... just some things... if you try and talk about everything it is really daunting...