Update...Could just cry. Hug me please xx
 

I kind of feel wrong writing about me…..me, me, me

I’ve been allowed home from hospital for the weekend.
It’s scary being here. I feel lost, all out of sorts and have a huge need to cry.
Guess I’m a tad negative
It’s been a bad week in that I needed stitches just over a week ago and had to go to A&E. Last Thursday I was back in A&E but masses of steristrips and no getting it wet for three weeks. I had totally lost myself…a friend informed the nurses what I had done and when they came looking for me I just ran…they caught me and moved me into my room…two male nurses. I cant remember much more except they searched my room, threatened me with the police if I needed my person searching. I was scared. Everywhere I went on the ward I was followed by a someone until I was taken to A&E. All I can remember was shouting at them to leave me alone and to stop following me.

As a result I’ve had to sign a contract of no self harming, my room and myself can be searched at any time. I may need supervised visits and any visitors have to report to the office before they give me anything to have their bags searched. I’m now only allowed supervised walks outside the ward. How did this all happen? First time I found a *****in the shower and spent ages knowing I should hand it in, but couldn’t. The second time, I was allowed out to the shop with another patient and bought things that I shouldn’t have. Any form of self harming whatsoever and I will now be discharged immediately. I can understand why they’ve done this and in some ways I wish they had done this sooner. But, now they will see a side of me that I don’t even know about because I’ve NEVER not obeyed that command to harm.

Am back in tomorrow and unsure what will happen next. I just never thought Id be in for this long. It is helping me though. It is what I need, and I will get there!!!

I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the support you’ve given me over the past weeks…I just love you all and wish every single one of you a little peace and calm in the rocky seas we find ourselves in.
I’m drifting now so I think bed calls and sleep with the aid of my meds is needed.
Much love and suidges xxxxxxxxxxxx

much love and support to you
 

Dear Dear friend
its good top hear from you
my heart goes out to you
and i offer you some comforting hugs

dont feel bad about writing about you, its important to you to express yourself and your feelings, and important for us to listen and care and support you.

Im glad youve had the chance to come home, yet i hear you about how scary it is for you, please be gentle with yourself and your feelings.
your bound to be a little negative, im sure you will feel stronger soon, im sorry to hear youve had a bad weeek, with the stitches, i hope they are better.

Im sorry you have felt scared through the treatment of the staff, im sure they were trying to look after your safety, but its sounded scary. Its bad they threatened you with the police. And again to be followed everwhere by them, but i do understand they are trying to look after your safety to.

It will be hard that youve signed a contract Rowie, yet i hope you can manage this, its for your good, im sure, and having supervised visits must be difficult but look at it that they are trying to keep you as safe as they can i guess.

I understand your need to find an object to use and why, and now they have said if you do self harm they will discharge you, i can see whay they say that and you also agree, its difficult if your coping method is taken away but i guess they need some control. hold on friend and you will get there.
I hope you can manage the not self harming the best you can

good luck going back, im sure its helping you friend, im glad you believe its helping you too. YES you will get there
we all believe in you and we are all here for you
and will be when you return
you so desrve the peace and calm to friend
take care we are here for you
love
Dave

It was so wrong of me to post here..........im so sorry xxxxx
thank you for the hugs
xx

i care for you so much rowie.
you go back to that hospital and try your best to accept the help they offer.
use it to the fullest sweetie.
i know you can do this.
i love you
xx

I'm so sorry things are so hard for you just now. Being hospital isn't easy either, but right now it is the best place (and I'm not just saying that)
Stick with it, it may take time but things *will* improve

please don't apologise for posting

Sarah x

Take care hunni
Your doing so well.
Keep fighting it.

stay strong rowie and come back safe i miss you so very much
love and hugs xx

hey hun stay strong you sound like you are making progress congrats on that. you can do it and things only get better

Rowie im wearing a silver spandex catsuit just for you! Now if there was ever a reason to get better and return...........................

hey hun, dont be sorry for posting, ever
im so sorry i havent been around these last few months, but you know im always here for you, love you muchly xxx lora xx

you need to be dischared for the right reasons because you are better not because you have done yourself out of the best help you'd ever had and are not even more of a danger to yourself. keep up the good fight girl, mand x

stay strong and good luck

thinking of you hon, sorry I havent been around before now. My pm box is always open when you are home...
huge *hugs* I know that you can do this.
take care
kat x ur armadillo friend!