Going to court
 

Hi, I'm going to court to try and prosecute my ex-step-dad for sexual abuse, I'm so scared, I don't know what to do because I don't want to end up having panic attacks or stumbling over my words. I worry as when he was abusing me I acted like it was ok and I never refused as I was scared by what happened if I did, which was to abuse my Mum and I didn't want her to be hurt. I'm scared that they will think because of that I want it when I didn't. I'm also scared of my family wanting to sit in and listen to my statement as I don't think I could give it if they where in the same room. I have told them I don't want them there and why but I don't think my Mum or my big sister with respect my wishes.

I don't known what to do, I just want to curl up into a ball and cry until I fall asleep and never wake up.

Hi, I understand completely what you're going through and you're so brave to be doing this! I too recently went through the police process, however the investigation was unfortunately dropped as due to the historic nature of the case there wasn't enough evidence. He was spoken to on a number of occassions by the police and they made it clear to him that the believed me 100%, but it still feels like he's getting away with it. So I know how it feels to feel like you won't be believed.

Just remember that no matter what YOU know what happened and so does he. And you've shown him that you're not going to keep quiet any longer. Whilst I was going through the process my officer mentioned on a number of occassions that CPS now are on the side of the victim, they believe you, they wouldn't be taking it forward if they didn't, why would you put yourself trough this if it wasn't true? I know its really scary, but it will be okay, you've already shown how strong you are for starting the process!

I was adamant I wouldn't want my family in the room also if we got as far as court as I knew I could not recount it in front of them, I didn't want them to know. As you being the main person in all of this, you should be able to speak to the officer you have most contact with about it who I'm sure would be able to help you, theyll do what they can to make it easier for you. Have you tried explaining to your family it'll be easier for you if they're not in the room? They could always sit in a side room waiting for you.

It will be okay, I often feel like that too, the flasbacks are so bad and I'm constantly scared, but just remember you're making a huge step towards moving on. If you ever want to talk to need someone to listen, pm me anytime

xx

biiiiiiiiiig hugs

you are so brave for doing this. I don't know for definate but I think sometimes you can testify behind a screen or even from another room via video link (someone please correct me if I'm wrong) if this is the case is there anyone you could talk to about this option? It may make you feel braver and more comfortable. I'm sure your mum means well and simply wants to see the man who abused you punished. She may also feel you might need the support if not during then after. I'm sorry I don't really have much to say but again you are so so brave. ^^

As far as I'm aware that is an option sometime yes as it was,something they discussed with me :)

your so brave

**BIG HUGS!!!!**

Thank you all for your comment and hugs, I appreciated them. I'm having a screen put up in the room. When I wrote the first comment I was picnicking a lot but I think that's normal, I'm feeling a lot calmer today. Thanks again.

Completely normal to panic hon, its a big thing! But you'll be okay, and we're all here to help and support you :)

*hugs*